The Unbearable Lightness of Being McGee
by hazelmom
Summary: McGee does a selfless thing, leaving him both living and dying at the same time. Written for the Lima. Oscar. Victor. Echo. challenge. Some slash. McGibbs. FINISHED
1. Chapter 1

9

A/N: It's naughty to just not go ahead and finish Surviving Winter, but I am still choreographing all of the pieces, and this fell together like it belonged. It will be angst-ridden and inspired by love. It is an extension of A Domesticated Guy and Learning Curve, but certainly can be read alone. I would love to know what you think about extending that universe. Sheila

P. S. I realize that slash isn't for everyone. I respect that. I've discovered that I can be a McAbby person and a McGibbs person at the same time. I hope you can give this story a chance.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being McGee

Chapter 1

McGee hit the wall of the bulkhead breathing heavily, sweat pouring down his face, and pulled his phone out. "What do you know, Abs?"

"We were wrong. It's not Allan. I just got back the DNA results. They match a Petty Officer 1st Class named Wallace."

McGee licked the sweat off his lips with his tongue. "Got it!"

He clicked the phone, and turned back to the Seaman with him. "Find out what time Wallace checked in. Now!"

He hit a button on the phone and waited. "Boss! We were wrong. It's not Allan. It's Wallace. Hold on—"

McGee glared at the Seaman who had pulled up the roster on his pad. The kid looked up. "He came aboard 30 minutes ago."

McGee clenched his teeth and cursed. He turned to the phone. "Boss, he's been on board 30 minutes already. He doesn't have the bomb on him; he's already planted it and I know where."

"_McGee, you sure you can diffuse it?_"

"The schematics we found are clear. I can do this."

"_DiNozzo's on his way down."_

McGee hung up and turned to the Seaman. "Get me down to the reactor core."

The kid's eyes widened before he turned and ran down the narrow hallways of a nuclear submarine. McGee took off after him.

…

DiNozzo had his weapon pulled as he chased his Seaman down the shaft. He couldn't remember what Wallace looked like. He was just one of the many they had interrogated three days earlier when the bomb plot was uncovered. The submarine was in dry dock, but the amount of casualties and damage a properly placed bomb in the core reactor could wreck the sub plus surrounding naval vessels in dock.

….

Ziva barreled into Wallace's quarters followed by the Chief Security Officer. She did a quick survey of the room but found nothing. She frowned and turned to the CSO. "He came back from leave 30 minutes ago. Where's his gear? He would've stored it here, correct?"

Chief of Security nodded. "He would've stored it by now. Halls are too narrow to carry it around for long."

Ziva tapped her mouth with a finger. "His duffel carried the bomb. His plan was to plant it and get off the sub with everyone else when the alarm sounded."

"Evacuation has started," said the Chief. He got on his comm and started barking orders. "Everyone gets ID'ed before they exit!...I don't care! Wallace is trying to disembark now!"

…

Gibbs stood on the gangway and supervised sailors disembarking. It slowed the evacuation considerably, but like the Chief of Security, Gibbs wasn't going to allow a saboteur and traitor walk off a free man.

He stayed focused on finding Wallace, but his gut was occupied with the fact that all of his agents were still inside the sub, two of them headed toward the bomb itself. There was a commotion at the head of the line, and Gibbs headed toward it. A young dark haired man was trying to leave the vessel without ID.

"Let me go! I left my ID and everything in my bunk!"

"You're not going anywhere!" The security detail was immovable.

Gibbs moved up behind them. "Cuff him. I want to talk to him."

The young man struggled, and then tried to break free and return to the vessel. Everything in Gibbs gut's told him that this was Wallace. He grabbed the cuffed man and slammed him against the wall. "Where is it planted and when is it set to go off?"

The man shook his head vigorously. "It's not me, man. It's not me."

Gibbs grabbed him by the collar with both hands and slammed him against the wall again, hard enough to rattle him but not so hard that he lost consciousness. Then he put his face close to the man and spoke in a low, hard voice. "I know you're Wallace. We've been looking for you. We have a hit on your DNA. You killed Seaman Olson when he got too close, and now you've planted the bomb. Play dumb if you want, but this is your chance not to be executed. If that bomb goes off, people are going to die, and you're going straight to death row. Don't try to snow me, boy. I am older, smarter, and stronger than you are. There is no exit strategy for you."

The man's face reddened and his breathing quickened. Then he whispered, "Take off my watch. The countdown's on my watch."

Gibbs turned the man around and pulled the watch off. He looked at it and grimaced. Grabbing his phone, he yelled, "Bomb goes off in 9 minutes, Tim!"

…

McGee was looking into radiation containment window when he heard Gibbs announcement. The bomb was just sitting on the desk as simple as anything. He remembered that Gibbs was waiting for a response. He whispered, "I got it, Boss."

He turned to the Chief Engineer. "How long before it's safe to go in?"

Chief Engineer McDonald shrugged. "Turned it off like you asked 5 minutes ago. Protocol says you wait another ten and then enter wearing a suit."

McGee looked at the bulky white suit. "Can't maneuver in that. I need to make delicate cuts."

"Yeah, and it'll take 3 minutes to suit you up on top of that."

McGee's heart beat so hard it filled the room. "The radiation poisoning could be fatal."

"No way to know, boy. Never tried anything this dumb."

McGee's mouth was dry. "Open the door."

McDonald nodded. "It takes one-minute to unseal an irradiated chamber. I started the procedure. I sent my staff out. We'll be sealed in. If we do this, then someone's going to need to let us out."

McGee heard footsteps pounding and turned to find DiNozzo running toward him. "What you got, Probie?"

"I found it. It's in the reactor containment room."

Tony's mouth dropped. "Damn!"

McGee winced and rubbed his face. "It's okay, Tony. Chief Engineer shut off containment. It's safe now."

McDonald's head popped up from his control board, and he looked at McGee, blinking.

"I didn't take all those munitions courses like you do, but I got your back, Tim. You know that. We go in together."

"No, Tony, not necessary. I got it. No offense, but your chatter would be distracting to me. Let me do this."

Tony shook his head. "Not letting you go in alone."

"Stop it, Tony! We have 8 minutes, and I don't have time to argue! Let me do this. Chief Engineer is staying with me. He's going to be more help than you are."

"I don't like it," Tony growled.

"7 minutes 50 seconds. Should we spend more time on this? Help evacuate. I can do this in five minutes. Now leave me alone." McGee felt his hands starting to shake.

McDonald nodded. "Listen to your friend. It's only me and him in there, and we don't need an audience. We'll call when we've diffused the thing. Then you need to get my staff down here ASAP. You understand?"

Something odd settled in DiNozzo's gut but there was no time to work it out. He nodded. "I'll round up your crew and we'll be waiting."

McGee nodded. "Yeah do that, Tony."

McDonald beckoned. "Door's open, kid."

McGee waited until Tony disappeared down the corridor. Then he took a deep breath and followed him inside, his heart pounding as the door sealed behind them.

….

Wallace was handcuffed to the gangway when DiNozzo arrived. He was begging to be taken to safety, but Gibbs ignored him. The evacuation had speeded up again now that Wallace was found. Security still ID'ed them, but they were spaced enough so that they barely had to slow down. Tony caught Gibbs' eye. "I left him down there with the Chief Engineer. He insisted. Said I was going to be a distraction. I don't like it."

Gibbs' face didn't move. "He's right, Tony. And don't forget that he's good. He'll diffuse it. Top of every munitions class I sent him to."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Of course, he did. That's quite a little genius you got there, Boss."

A grin tugged at his mouth but he resisted it. "He'll do."

Ziva came bounding out of the corridor. "I think that's everyone."

"The two of you should take cover. Bomb squad's got a compression shelter set up on the dock. We'll go back in 5 minutes."

Tony shook his head. "Not moving. I got the Chief Engineer's crew in there, but I'm waiting here."

Gibbs cocked his head. "We don't do him any good like this. Be smart. I'm team leader. I wait here with Wallace in case McGee needs him for something, but somebody has to stay alive to write the report. Get in to that shelter, both of you."

"Under protest," Ziva said as she grabbed Tony's arm and dragged him down the gangway.

…

The room was hot and stuffy, and sweat dripped off the tip of McGee's nose. He glanced at McDonald again. "I don't really need you here."

McDonald shook his head. "My boat. Besides, it's too late now."

"Radiation sickness is harder on older bodies."

"Shut up, McGee. Concentrate on the damn wires."

McGee licked his lips. "I disarmed the trigger, but now I need to diffuse the charge."

"You know what you doing?"

McGee closed his eyes and breathed. "Yeah, I know what I'm doing. I'm so frickin' competent that I ended up in a radiation chamber of a nuclear submarine diffusing a damn bomb. I'm way too competent. Makes me wonder what would have happened if I'd taken that Kinko's job all those years ago."

McDonald put a hand on his back. "That's what happens when you have to be the smart one. I got one of those complexes too. Chief Engineer always goes down with the sub."

McGee shook his head. "Let's hope it doesn't end up being that desperate."

He counted the wires, remembered the colors, and then closed his eyes, trying to recall exact protocol with this configuration. McDonald seemed to understand his need for quiet, and he stood as still as a statue.

Finally, McGee blinked his green eyes open, and took his wire cutter, snagging the black wire and cutting it in two different places. "Got it!"

"You sure?" McDonald said.

McGee sagged against the counter. "It's over! Get us the hell out of here, Chief!"

McDonald barked orders on the phone. McGee looked at the timer he'd coordinated with Wallace's countdown watch. It said :45 seconds. His breathing came in ragged bursts. He picked up his phone and waited, "Jeth…I mean, Boss. Bomb is diffused."

He could hear Gibbs smile on the other end. "Good work Tim! You okay?"

McGee swallowed and looked around at the sterile room where they were still locked. "It's complicated. You probably better head down here."

…..

The engine room crew came pounding up the gangway past Gibbs, eyes showing alarm rather than relief. All of a sudden, it hit Gibbs where the bomb had to have been placed. His breath left him, and he ran down the corridor, leaving Wallace still chained to the gangway.

…

McGee and McDonald slumped against the door waiting for rescue. McGee looked at him. "I feel fine. What do you think?"

McDonald stared straight ahead. "You'll know how bad it is by the timing. If the nausea and dizziness hits you in less than two hours then you know you're in big trouble."

McGee closed his eyes. "Nausea hits me the minute I even look at a ship of any kind, submarines included. Always have."

"You got a wife and family?"

"No."

"You love somebody?"

McGee thought about the sculptured face with the piercing blue eyes, his clean musky smell, and his weathered skin. He thought about how natural it felt when Gibbs held him in his arms and touched his body. "Yeah, I just recently found somebody. I think it's the real thing."

McDonald smiled at him. "Me, I'm divorced. Wife moved to California and married again. My two kids call him Dad. My fault. All of it. I took every deployment opportunity that came my way. I wanted to be the best."

Fear flooded McGee's gut. "Are we dying, McDonald? Tell me the truth here. Are we dying? Don't baby me, Chief."

"I don't know, son. I just don't know. I've seen guys weather exposure just fine and then be dead in two weeks. I've seen others live for two years and die of cancer, and I've seen a couple guys who live life like nothing ever happened to them. Doctors gotta' do tests. They gotta' see what parts of your body hold together and what parts start disintegrating. I wish I knew what to tell you. All I know is that you're young and you look healthy. It's good place to be when a thing like this happens."

McGee nodded, trying to blink back the tears in his eyes. "What happens next?"

Pounding sounded and then voices yelling. McDonald smiled. "Well, they're going to get in suits and unseal this bitch. Then they're going to haul us into the showers, and we're going to get scrubbed for the next hour or two. I mean, they're going to exfoliate every damn inch of us. Then we get hauled off to the hospital and we wait."

Someone pounded on the glass and McGee looked out the window at Gibbs. He'd never seen panic in the older man and it scared him. McGee rubbed at his eyes and forced a smile on his face. He shouted through the glass. "We did it, Boss."

"You didn't tell me!" Gibbs retorted.

McGee shook his head. "No way around it. We would've wasted time all trying to fall on our swords. I was the only one of qualified. It had to be my call."

Gibbs pounded the glass with his fist. "No! You're mine! I make the calls!"

McGee's eyes got wet again and he said softly. "Not this time, Jethro."

The decontamination team pulled Gibbs out of the way as the door unsealed. White suits waded in, grabbed the two men unceremoniously and pushed them out toward the decontamination room. Gibbs tried to get close, but security pulled him back. He finally stopped struggling and they let him go. He leaned against the wall, his legs shaky and hit a number on his phone. "Hey Duck, can you get down to the shipyard? …I'm at dock 13, on the nuclear submarine, USS Nautilus…No body…Tim, uh, he got exposed to radiation. Looks like it might have been quite a bit…I don't know anything. Can you get down here now?"

DiNozzo and Ziva came running in at that moment, but Gibbs couldn't look at them. He put a hand over his eyes and took a moment to settle his breathing. Tony saw this and ran past him to the containment window and looked in. The room was empty save the remnants of the bomb McGee diffused. Tony whirled around. "Where is he?"

Gibbs blew out. "Decontamination."

"How bad?"

Gibbs shrugged.

Tony glared at Gibbs. "He said that it was safe! He said it was decontaminated! The Chief Engineer said the same thing!"

Gibbs shook his head. "They lied to you, Tony. Wanted to protect you. Didn't tell me what he was up to either."

"He lied to me?" Tony's face was flushed. "He lied to me? Frickin' Probie! It wasn't his decision to make!"

"Tony!" Ziva reached for him, but he pushed her away.

Gibbs leaned against the wall, eyes closed.

"What gave him the right!" Tony was raging at Gibbs.

Gibbs raised his eyes half-mast. "He made a good decision, Tony. He made the right decision, and now we have to find a way to live with it."

Ziva's chin started to tremble. "How bad, Gibbs?"

"No way to know, Ziver. We just have to wait and see."

"I've done that before, you know." She bit her lip, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Come here." He pulled her in to his chest. "We'll wait together."

Tony stood away from them, alone. "I'm mad at him, Boss."

Gibbs nodded. "Me too."

Tony walked over and leaned against the wall next to Gibbs. "I feel like I'm in To Kill a Mockingbird with Gregory Peck where the daughter asks Atticus Finch, why they shouldn't arrest Boo Radley, and he explains it and she says that arresting Boo is like killing a mockingbird. You know, because mockingbirds don't ever do anyone any harm. The truth is that being mad at McGee for doing right thing is like killing a mockingbird. Right?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "You and your damned movie references, DiNozzo. I can barely make sense of it, but I guess you're right. It's hard to stay mad at him, but honest to God, I would prefer it to being scared as hell right now."

…

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I am in full angst mode. It sounds like the kind of story that will go on for 25 chapters, but I promise that I won't let it. I want it to be a love story more than drawn out suffer-fest.

I have some really wonderful people supporting this story. I want to point out Tigyr because she is also writing some killer McGibbs stuff. And, of course, I have to mention Precious Pup because she is my McGibbs muse. If you haven't, you need to go into the archives and find "Little Boy Found". Sexiest thing I've read on this site. And then there is "Jack". It is both funny and sexy, and I have read it probably 37 times. She made me believe that McGibbs was possible.

Thanks for reading. Every review makes my day. Sheila

The Unbearable Lightness of Being McGee

Chapter 2

Tony drove back to the office. If he hadn't been driving, he'd be in the backseat with Wallace beating him to a bloody pulp. Ziva sat with him instead. She gave him space. If she touched him, she wouldn't have stopped until he was dead. The paperwork on that sort of thing was a nightmare. Wallace had decent instincts, and he kept his breathing measured and his blinking to a minimum.

…..

Gibbs leaned against the wall in the engine room and waited. Ducky had arrived half an hour ago, and muscled his way into the decontamination room. They'd been in there a full 2 hours. Paramedics and ambulances had been on site for an hour already. Engine room crew, sub captain, and executive officers were also standing around waiting. Conversation wasn't encouraged. Radiation poisoning was a funny thing. A man might walk out of the room like he was just fine, and then be dead in two weeks. Measuring the level of exposure was a tricky business. One of the first signs was how quickly a person succumbed to nausea and vomiting.

Gibbs wanted to tell somebody that McGee was nauseous the minute he boarded any vessel. He wanted to explain that symptoms like nausea didn't mean anything with a guy like McGee. He also wanted to explain that he'd be sitting here like the Rock of Gibralter for any of his people. He cared about them all; it was only a coincidence that this agent was also somebody that he took to bed at night.

He closed his eyes and surrendered for a moment to the images of McGee staring into his eyes as they kissed, the feel of running his hands along McGee's back until he settled on that magnificent ass, McGee leaning against his chest while he shared stories from his days as a Marine, McGee on his couch with that beautiful old German Shepherd resting his head on his lap. A kind of peace he hadn't known in fifteen years was slowly settling into his life again, and he'd started to lower his defenses. Now it was being threatened, and he should've known that a man like him, both parts avenger and destroyer, wouldn't be allowed a future with any kind of goodness in it.

The decontamination door opened, and Gibbs stiffened. The Chief Engineer was led out first, and he was as white as a ghost and bent over. A heave gripped him again, but clearly his stomach was empty. This was a bad sign. Vomiting within the first two hours meant that there was likely more than mild exposure. The captain and crew tried to rally around him, but Chief Medical Officer held them at bay and hurried the man onto the arms of waiting paramedics. Ducky followed with his arm around McGee's waist. Gibbs was relieved. McGee didn't look any greener than he usually did aboard a Naval vessel.

Captain of the U.S.S. Nautilus caught them before Gibbs got there. He took McGee's hand. "I know what you did, Agent McGee. You saved the lives of my crew and protected this sub. My gratitude to you is deeper than I can express. You can be sure that the U.S. Navy will find a way to honor your sacrifice."

McGee nodded and Gibbs could see a deep weariness on his face. Now he knew that this was more than just seasick McGee.

The Captain turned and shook Gibbs' hand as well. "Your team did an exemplary job. We'll find a way to honor you all."

Gibbs mumbled something in response, but his eyes were on his agent. The Captain seemed to sense his worry, and left to talk with his crew.

Staring at McGee, Gibbs said, "What do you think, Duck?"

"We don't know, Jethro. We have to get Timothy to the hospital so they can run tests on the amount of Gy he's absorbed."

"Gy?"

"It's the measurement they use to calculate the amount of radiation absorbed into the body. They have a dosimeter there and that should help us know more."

"Okay," Gibbs stepped back.

Tim watched him through hooded eyes. "Don't worry…Jethro. I'm going to beat this. We weren't in there long, and we're getting the best care the U.S. Navy has to offer. I'll be okay."

Ducky patted Gibbs' arm. "I'm going to ride with him to Bethesda. It'll be a few hours yet. Work your case. I'll call you when we know something."

Gibbs rubbed his hand over his mouth. "Are you sure, Tim?"

McGee gave him a sleepy grin, reaching out to grip his shoulder. "I'm going to be fine. I promise you."

Gibbs swallowed. "I'll be there soon." Then he stood there like a man lost watching them while Ducky handed McGee over to the paramedics who hurried them to waiting ambulances.

….

Vance met them at the elevator when they brought Wallace in. Agent Balboa and his team were with him. Tony could smell the set up, but he didn't fight it. So far, his only idea for interrogation began with a two by four.

"Balboa and his people will take Wallace from here." Vance was formal but there was something about his demeanor that was softer than usual.

"Are we off the case for good?" Ziva challenged.

"I doubt there's much case left. Wallace gave Gibbs his countdown watch. Balboa's people are just going to dot some i's and cross some t's."

Tony could sense anxiety in the director. "You've heard something?"

Vance looked at the floor. "Chief Engineer McDonald of the U.S.S. Nautilus went into cardiac arrest in the ambulance. He was dead on arrival. Don't know how much of it was connected to the radiation sickness, but if it is, you and David probably better get down to Bethesda."

Tony stared at him. Ziva touched his arm. "Director, has anyone talked to Abby?"

"I had Mr. Palmer drive her there 30 minutes ago."

Tony nodded, his body shuddering involuntarily. Without another word, he grabbed Ziva by the arm and hit the elevator button, leaving Vance standing there.

…

McGee lay on the hospital bed, rolling from one side to another. In addition to the nausea and vomiting, he was chilled and aching. He grasped at the sheets and crawled under blankets, but nothing gave him any relief.

Ducky leaned over him, and felt his forehead. "The fever's kicking in, Timothy. It shouldn't last more than a day or two. We'll add an analgesic to your IV. The compazine should be kicking in soon. That'll relieve your nausea. It really acts like the flu at this point."

McGee gritted. "Right. It feels like the flu if I had four strains of it simultaneously."

"Jethro is outside."

McGee groaned. "Make him wait a bit, Ducky. I'm way too miserable right now. It'll worry him."

Ducky rubbed his shoulder. "This will get better, Timothy."

"What comes next?"

"In a few hours, there will be a blinding headache and diarrhea."

"Oh, joy. Thanks for the preview. Ducky, how many Gy?"

Ducky sighed. "They are speculating that it is between 5 and 6 Gy."

Tim squeezed his eyes shut. "Damn!"

"It's survivable!"

He shook his head. "Percentages are low. You know that, Ducky."

Ducky gripped his shoulder. "Don't, Timothy! You're young and you're healthy. Every protocol possible is at your fingertips. You can do this!"

"How can I face them? How can I face him?" Tim buried his face in a pillow.

"We fight this just like we fight anything! There will be no pity! Just resolve! That's how we do it!"

McGee nodded, eyes closed. "Give me some time for the drugs to kick in. No need for everyone to see me writhing around like a landed fish. Give me an hour, Duck, and I'll face them. Okay?"

"And Jethro?"

"Talk to him first. Make him understand what this is. He needs the truth. Prepare him. I can't do it like this."

Ducky leaned over him. "I won't let you give up, Timothy. If it takes everything I have, I'll fight for you, but I can't do it alone. You're going to make it and you need to believe that!"

Tim groaned his discomfort into the pillow, his breathing ragged.

…

Gibbs had his arms full of a very frightened Abby Scuito.

"You don't know anything yet?" She hissed at him.

He shook his head.

She hugged him tighter. "I know about you two. I know what you've been up to. Well…I don't know. Tony slipped about him staying with you and I guessed the rest."

"I'm sorry, Abs. We talked about how to tell you. It was stupid to wait. We were just so worried about hurting you."

"Hurting me? Do you know what it feels like to have a knife twisting in your gut 'cause I think I do." Her words cut like razors.

He squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm so sorry, Abs."

"You don't apologize," she said, stopping to look into his face.

"I was weak so an apology is necessary. I didn't think about your feelings."

"You didn't realize that he was my future?" She looked at him wide eyed.

"Eight years, Abs, and you barely throw him a bone occasionally. Come on, I really didn't think you'd let the best man in the world just sit there if you really wanted him. If I had known, I would not have even considered dating him."

Her eyes searched his. "No, you wouldn't have."

"Man, I really screwed this up for you." The tension and fear in him threatened to overwhelm the normally stoic man.

She reached up and stroked his cheek. "If you hadn't have made a play for my Timmy, do you know what would have happened?"

He shook his head.

"I would still be dangling him by strings, you'd be miserable thinking that's all you deserved, and he'd be wondering why nobody in this world wants to love that big gorgeous heart of his. All of that would have been really sad."

His brows furrowed.

She kissed his cheek. "In my more rational moments, I know the truth of it. It's only when I feel abandoned that I get angry and hurt. You just have to promise me that I'm still your best girl."

He pulled her in again tightly. "Always! My love for you is very separate from what I feel for him. You are like my…daughter. Nothing or no one will ever replace you."

"Loving him like he deserves isn't going to be easy for you, Gibbs. You and I are more alike than you know. Don't break my Timmy's heart. You hear me!"

His chin trembled against her shoulder. "I'm doing the very best that I know how, Abby. I promise you that."

He spied Ducky watching him from a distance and he de-tangled himself from her. "Abs, I got to talk to Duck. I got to do that alone. You understand?"

She nodded, tears forming in her eyes. "He'll be okay, Gibbs. I just know it."

He smiled at her. "I thought I was the one who was supposed to comfort you."

"We all need to grow up sometime," she said over her shoulder as she returned to the waiting room.

Gibbs trotted over to Ducky. "How is he?"

"Very nauseous. Feverish. He should be better in a bit."

"What do you know?"

Ducky looked down and let out a breath. "He absorbed between 5 and 6 Gy. People who absorb 6 or more rarely survive."

Gibbs blew air out and leaned against the wall. "Is he going to make it, Duck?"

"There are two or three places on the planet that are best equipped to handle radiation sickness. Timothy is in one of those places."

Gibbs' eyes burned. "You didn't answer my question."

"Radiation sickness is strange. In a couple of days, he'll be feeling fine. Then in a week or two, he'll be sick again as the body starts to react to the damage caused. If he's strong enough, we'll be able to successfully treat the damage. If he survives 6 weeks, he'll mostly be okay for now. But then the cancer risk sets in. He'll probably be dealing with tumors of some kind in the next two years. Hopefully, they can be successfully treated. Jethro, the truth is that he may have a week or four. He may have a year or he may live until he's 95. We don't know. Everything is a trial with radiation sickness."

Gibbs closed his eyes. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Well, you have to," Ducky hissed. "He needs you. He needs the boss he's afraid to let down. And he needs the man who grown to love him. Would you really walk away? Tell me now! I give him two weeks tops if you do!"

Gibbs put his hands on Ducky's shoulders. "It's okay, Ducky. I'll give him everything I have. I just worry 'cause I'm not good at any of this."

Ducky blinked hard and removed his glasses to wipe at his eyes. "This is going to be a long, hard battle, Jethro. It will turn us both into old men, but make no mistake; he's the one who will have to fight the hardest. He has so much yet that he has to face. This will test us all to the core."

Jethro hugged him. "Thank God for you, Duck. How would any of us know where to start without you?"

Ducky pushed him away. "Jethro! You've wrinkled my shirt. Now go on. He's waiting for you. I'm going to check on McDonald."

Gibbs looked down. "Duck, McDonald went into cardiac arrest in the ambulance. He didn't make it."

Ducky stared at him. "God no!"

"Nothing like that will happen to Timmy, right?"

He shook his head. "I don't know, Jethro. Right now, I don't know anything."

Ducky adjusted his glasses and hurried down the hall. Gibbs rubbed at his face and took a moment to compose his breathing. Then he stepped into McGee's room. The young man was curled into a fetal position clutching a pillow. He heard movement at the door and looked up at Gibbs, his eyes filled with fear.

…


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: It's too hot to write much. Can't put in an air conditioner with the broken windows. Hopefully, the weather settles soon. I like this story, but I want it to be more than just angst-ridden. I am working on how to create that. I hope to hear from you about your thoughts as well. Sheila

The Unbearable Lightness of Being McGee

Chapter 3

Gibbs tried to smile at Tim, but he couldn't. McGee was too scared. It wouldn't do to wear a mask. Gibbs pulled a chair over to where McGee's head was resting and sat down.

"Are you still mad at me for not consulting with you?"

Gibbs nodded and gently placed a hand on McGee's face. "And I have every right. You went ahead and saved all of those lives without so much as a word to your team leader. Of course, if you had talked to me, we would've wasted valuable minutes arguing over the options, and if you hadn't lied to Tony, he'd undoubtedly be lying in the bed next to you now."

McGee's eyes closed as Gibbs gently stroked his cheek.

"I'm mad, Timmy. I have to be. It seems to be the emotion that best keeps me on my feet, but my anger is directed toward the son of a bitch petty officer who couldn't find another way to express his frustration with the Navy. Undoubtedly, he's sitting across from Balboa right now defiant about his decision to plant a bomb in a nuclear sub, oblivious to the sacrifice that you and Chief Engineer McDonald made today. I'm actually grateful Vance took the case. There isn't one of us on this team that wouldn't have beaten him silly the minute he tried to justify this crime."

McGee nodded. "How's McDonald?"

Gibbs hesitated. "Better question. How are you feeling?"

"The drugs are starting to help. I feel better able to tolerate the nausea."

Gibbs' strong fingers brushed over his forehead. "You still have a fever."

McGee moaned. "But the chills and aches are under control for now."

Gibbs leaned over and rested his cheek on McGee's. "You're going to be okay, Timmy. I promise you."

McGee's breathing settled into his. "I'm really scared, Jethro."

"Me too."

"Ducky explained to you how bad it is? He told you my Gy assessment was between 5 and 6?"

Gibbs lifted his head. "Timmy, I want to say something. Sometime in the next year, I'm going to break into a house and face a gun. In that moment, my chances of getting shot at are going to skyrocket. If I think about that too hard, I'm not going to want to break in that door. That door and all of the doors in my life will begin to frighten me…It's a bad analogy, but try to follow…for me. I'm trying to say that if we think too hard about that Gy score, we're going to give into our fears. We can't afford to do that. Do you understand?"

McGee nodded.

"Ducky is clear with me that there is no inevitable conclusion and I believe him. Do you believe him?"

"I'm trying."

"I'm going to be there with you every step of the way."

Tim looked up at him. "That's a lot of pressure for you."

He shook his head. "Let's clarify something here. I'm not trapped in an obligation. I can say that, personal relationship or no, I have loved you as a member of my team for many years. But, Timmy, it's more than that. You and I have something powerful here. I get nervous about expressing romantic love because I married three women based on my understanding of love and failed three times. I don't trust my judgment in this matter. Sometimes, I think that my ability to deeply love got buried with Shannon and Kelly. So I'm really careful about that word…But I want you to know that what I feel for you reminds me of what I felt when I met Shannon. God knows it's not the same. I'm a different man now, and you're not Shannon, but there is wonder and excitement and a contentment in my life that I haven't known since she died…"

Gibbs stopped talking and covered his eyes with his hand. McGee reached over and touched Gibbs' knee. "You don't have to talk about this."

Gibbs nodded and gripped McGee's hand. "I want to be here, Tim. I belong here…with you."

McGee smiled softly. "I won't let you down, Jethro. I'll fight this if it means more time with you."

"Good. Now, we need to talk about your family. You can't leave them in the dark, Timmy."

McGee moaned and shook his head. "Let's wait a few days."

"No way."

"Mom just had that disk surgery. There is no possible way she can get on a plane right now."

Gibbs nodded. "It's complicated. I get that, but they are your family and they deserve to know what's happening."

"They don't know about you and I."

"I know but this is not about you and I. If it's too awkward, don't tell them. Or tell them. The choice is yours."

"I don't want them to be unkind to you."

Gibbs squeezed his hand. "Timmy, they have a right to a reaction, good or bad. The first time, I had a friend come out to me, I didn't react well. It took me a while to adjust to the new dynamics of he and I as friends. He was patient with me and I learned. Your family deserves that same kind of grace."

McGee groaned into the bedspread. "Any other mountains to climb today, Jethro."

He leaned over and kissed McGee on the cheek. "I don't think so, Timmy. I'll call them out in the hallway. I'll be back in a few minutes."

….

They sat in chairs in the waiting room while Ducky outlined the meaning of things like Gy and dosimeters, and what the progression of McGee's exposure might entail. Abby cuddled next to Tony forcing him to sit through the presentation without a single outburst or walk out. The pressure was building in him. He needed outlets for his frustration and his fear. Ziva sat alone in a chair holding her hands in her lap. She was as tense as a steel spring, but she stayed silent until Ducky reported that McGee's Gy landed him between a 5 and a 6. Then she let out a whimper, and tears formed in her eyes.

Ducky stopped. "What's the matter, Ziva?"

"Roy's Gy was a 4.9, and he died. McGee's not going to make it."

Abby gasped, but Ducky shushed them. "Listen to me. Lieutenant Roy Sanders didn't discover he was poisoned for two days. He didn't get scrubbed until it was too late. Timothy was scrubbed within minutes of exposure. His absorption rate should drop. He's in the best facility for radiation sickness in the world. You mustn't compare Timothy's situation to the Lieutenant's, Ziva. Do you understand?"

Ziva nodded but she wouldn't look at him.

Tony shifted, still holding onto Abby. "I want to see him, Ducky."

"Yes…he's pretty miserable right now. He has a fever and his nausea is quite intense right now. Jethro is sitting with him. We need to wait an hour or two."

Abby sat up and looked at them. "All of you knew about the two of them, didn't you?"

Tony sighed. "I guessed, Gibbs told Ducky, and Ziva…well, she's Ziva. I suspect she smelled the testosterone spike in the bullpen."

"They didn't tell me," she said softly.

"It sucks, Abs, but you gotta' swallow that hurt. There's no room for it right now."

"I know."

"And now I know." Everyone was startled to see Director Vance standing there.

…..

Gibbs stroked McGee's hair as he slept restlessly on the bed. He felt a presence in the doorway behind him but he didn't look. Vance wore a distinctive and expensive cologne.

"How is he?"

Gibbs sighed. "It's like he's got a really bad case of the flu. It's going to get worse and then it's going to get better and then it's going to get worse and if he doesn't die, he's going to get cancer, and then if that doesn't kill him, he's going to be around for a while. Just going to prison doesn't seem like any kind of a punishment for a man who puts someone through this much agony. Agent Lee once said I have biblical sensibility to punishment. I'm feeling pretty damn biblical right now, Leon."

Vance came in, sitting in a chair on the other side of the bed. "I hear you. You know I have a pretty strong appreciation for McGee. I haven't seen a more promising agent in a long time. Could imagine him running the whole damn agency one day."

Gibbs lifted his weary face. "It could still happen. I have to keep reminding myself that a future is still possible for him."

"How about the two of you together?"

Gibbs closed his eyes. "I'm not sure that this is the time or the place for that particular conversation."

"Pretty amazing lapse in judgment from my perspective."

"Yes it is." Gibbs sighed, still stroking McGee's hair.

"Is he happy?"

Gibbs smiled softly. "It's been amazingly uncomplicated actually, and I think he is happy."

McGee's head lifted, his eyes half open. "I've been very happy, sir. It's an unusual situation, but it's works well for both of us. I think Jethro would concur."

Gibbs smiled down at him.

"Love doesn't always last forever, McGee." Vance said.

"Yes sir."

Vance took a deep breath. "All right. Enough about that. I'm not here to scold. I'm here to check on a very valuable agent who distinguished himself and this agency, and who has my deepest regard and support."

McGee nodded. "Thank you, sir."

Vance reached over and clasped McGee's hand. "Sec Nav himself has asked me to send his regards. The best radiation specialist in the world is being flown in to supervise your care. The president himself couldn't get better care."

Gibbs nodded. "Thank you, Leon."

"It doesn't even begin to repay McGee for his sacrifice."

McGee tensed. "It was about the place and the time, sir. Anyone else would have done the same."

Vance shook his head. "I doubt it."

For a few minutes, they were lost in the truth of it.

Vance looked at Gibbs. "I need to talk to you for a few minutes.

"Tim, go back to sleep. You need the rest."

McGee frowned. "Sir, if you are here to support me, please understand that what we have together is very important to me. Please don't interfere with that."

Leon Vance looked down at him. "I wouldn't dare. I don't understand it, but I don't need to in order to give it my respect. You've earned that from me. You too, Gibbs, and you can imagine how hard that was for me to say."

Gibbs snorted. "It's okay, Timmy. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Gibbs followed him out. Vance turned. 'Whatever he needs, he gets."

"It's a little too early to martyr him, Leon."

"Hope is good, Gibbs, but the amount of radiation he took is significant. I've seen this play itself out before. You have too. Miracles can happen and I pray that it will. I'm taking your team off the roster for right now. The distraction is too great. In a couple of weeks, we'll see where things are and re-evaluate."

"Okay."

"I still need your team in on briefings. Balboa's people have a lot of catching up to do."

Gibbs chuckled. "I bet you thought you were going to get an argument from me."

"I wondered but the surprises seem to be coming fast and furious today."

"Would the relationship bother you as much if it wasn't two men?"

Vance shook his head. "I honestly don't know, Gibbs. Maybe. I have a brother who's Gay. It took me 8 years before I was willing to meet his boyfriend. I'm certainly capable of homophobia."

"Honesty is good."

Vance looked him in the eye. "More than that though, I just always thought dating you was something the State could use as an alternative to prison time."

Gibbs looked away. "I'm aware of who I am, Leon."

"How will this be different?"

Gibbs shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe, it's because I feel no need to change for him. He knows who I am and he accepts it. Maybe it's because he brings peace into my life."

"Not bad, Gibbs." Vance nodded.

Gibbs' mouth twitched. "I've developed some very deep feelings for him, Leon."

"God help both of you." Vance left him leaning against the wall.

…

Tony slipped in the room with Ziva following. They found him curled up on top of his blankets. McGee raised his head a little and nodded. Ziva knelt in front of his face. "Nausea?"

McGee nodded. "And fever. The headache that Ducky warned me about is starting in my temples."

Ziva bit her lip, clearing her throat before she could talk. "I'll make sure you get more medication."

McGee's weary eyes looked at her. "I'm not Roy, Ziva."

She stroked his cheek. "No, you're not. You're my McGee and I'm going to be here for you whenever you need me…'cause I really need you."

"I'm so fortunate to have someone so magnificent in my life. I love you, Ziva."

Her chin trembled. "I love you too, Tim."

McGee looked past her at DiNozzo. "I need to talk to Tony, okay?"

She kissed him and left the room.

Tony didn't meet his eyes.

"I lied to you, Tony. I know you're mad, but I'm sure you feel like you don't have the right to be mad at me because of the circumstances."

Tony chortled. "So you're a psychologist now?"

"You know I had to lie to you."

Tony slumped in a chair. "I would've been there for you. We're a team, Tim. I can't help feeling like you had no right."

Tim's eyes followed him. "You would feel better if you were my roommate right now? What if Ziva and Boss and Abby had to deal with the possibility of losing both of us? Would that have been fair?"

"It's my job to watch over you, McGee."

"And it's my job to show you that all of your years of hard work paid off. You were the one who taught me to be exactly the person I was in that engine room."

Tony closed his eyes.

McGee lifted his head. "I was terrified very moment, but I knew that if you had the expertise, you would have gone in. I want so badly to be as good as you."

Tony shook his head. "You're going to be okay, McGeek."

McGee found a small grin. "I don't think any of you are going to give me a choice."

Tony slowly returned his smile.

…..

During the night, Diarrhea joined the headache and nausea. Tim was on medications, but he could only grab rest in small doses. Sometime after midnight, Gibbs took his shoes off and climbed into bed with him. Neither of them said anything as Gibbs gently wrapped an arm around his waist massaging his stomach lightly. He nuzzled the back of McGee's neck with his nose, causing McGee to lean back for more. Within minutes, they both were sleeping.

….


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm getting a little behind. I have to get back to Surviving Winter. It's due on the 15th and I have two chapters to finish. I hope you are still reading despite my tardiness. Please tell me what you think. Sheila

Unbearable

Chapter 4

"You'll stay with him while we update Balboa. It might take all morning." Gibbs said quietly to Abby. McGee was in the midst of one of the few peaceful naps his body allowed.

"I'll take good care of him." She promised as she slipped off her shoes. Before he could say anything, she climbed into bed with McGee, facing him.

Gibbs blinked. He felt something odd rising in his gut. Abby grinned. "You're jealous."

"I just worry that he won't be able to sleep with you right there."

"Believe me, I've slept with Tim plenty of times. Besides, Timmy is pretty expert at putting off sexual advances as I'm sure you know."

Gibbs nodded and walked off, saying under his breath, "Guess, I've never experienced that."

"I heard that," she growled, glaring at him as he left.

McGee opened his eyes and found an equally green pair staring back at him. "Hey Abs."

She tried to smile, but couldn't pull it off. "I'm babysitting today."

"Good. I wouldn't want anyone else here with me. Still pretty mad at me, Abs?"

"Can't," she pouted. "You ruined all of that for me with this radiation sickness. I'm too worried to be angry, and it's too bad because both of you owed me a good tantrum and at least a month of sulking."

"We sure did," he said smiling.

"Timmy," she said staring into his eyes. "I'm really scared for you."

"I'm pretty scared too. It's nice to be able to say that without being told to buck up and be strong."

She hugged him closely. "You don't have to be strong with me. Just be Timmy."

"Well, I'd like to think that I am strong."

"You are. Now, let's get down to the juicy stuff. Two men sleeping together is super mega-hot. I want all the details."

"Yeah, right."

She slapped him lightly. "You owe me! This is your penance. I've always wondered about Gibbs in bed. Is he a talker? I bet not. I bet he tops. Is he gentle? Is he rough?"

"Abs! This conversation is not happening! Seriously! Besides, you know I don't kiss and tell."

She rolled her eyes. "You're such a prude, Timmy."

"They're called boundaries, and you and I are going to have a long series of conversations about them."

She sighed. "It was worth a try."

He thought for a moment. "Okay, I'll tell you this. I've never been with a man before, but it's, uh, really powerful and…hot. It's been…mindblowing with him. Now, that's all I'm going to say about it. And if you tell anyone, Abs, I'm never going to tell you another secret."

"Promise," she whispered. "But I was…mindblowing too, right?"

"I chased you for eight years, Abs. What do you think?"

"We're better as friends, aren't we?"

"It's how it worked out." McGee felt something in his gut and he groaned.

She lifted her head. "You okay?"

"Pain in my gut. Nausea is coming back."

"Meds must be wearing off."

She got up and he grabbed her arm. "Hey, just stay here for a moment. It's not that bad, and I'm tired of feeling fuzzy from the meds. I want to be clear-headed."

She lay down again. "Okay. Do you want to hear about the new snooper program I developed?"

"God yes!" He sighed happily. "Tell me all about it."

…..

Tony and Ziva took turns briefing Balboa and his team. Gibbs sat like a statue while Agent Rusty Balboa briefed them on the interrogation with Wallace. Wallace had been eager to cooperate especially after he was informed of McDonald's death and McGee's exposure. The man folded under the specter of a possible military execution. In the interrogation, Wallace revealed that his munitions training had happened through the same classes that McGee had taken. As interesting as this was, it didn't compare to the real bombshell: Wallace confessed to be part of an online group of disgruntled soldiers, some still in service and some retired. It was a call to action from this group that encouraged Wallace to plant the bomb he did. Unfortunately, Wallace had only screen names to share.

Gibbs got up out of his chair. "We got more bombs coming."

"What the hell is their complaint?" DiNozzo asked.

Balboa shrugged. "Wallace's beef is that pension benefits have dropped 30%. He said he served 12 years with the expectation of a certain pension and then it was pulled away from him. Says that Navy uses soldiers and then dumps them. Others in the group complain about poor medical treatment for their PTSD after their time in the Middle East. Some have beefs against specific officers. The gripes run the gamut."

"Pension benefits inspire enough frustration to plant a bomb on a nuclear submarine?" Ziva asked.

"Wallace has a real beef with the captain. His performance evaluations were barely going to qualify him for an honorable discharge. Wallace blamed the whole crew for his situation. Bastard sat there spilling this garbage in an attempt to save his skin. Said he was forced to take action."

"Give me five minutes with him, Rusty." Tony growled.

"Yeah, I got specific orders from Vance to shoot you in the leg if you make a play for him."

"Might be worth it."

Balboa sighed. "How's McGee?"

"What do you think? He's fighting for his life."

Balboa bristled. "What are you giving me the stink eye for, DiNozzo? I'm just asking. He's a great agent. I sure as hell would love to have him around to help us with this online group."

Gibbs shook his head. "Not happening. McGee has a big enough battle to fight."

"I meant no offense, Jethro. McGee is a tremendous resource and a terrific guy. We're working this as hard as we can on this."

"Appreciate it, Rusty. I wouldn't expect anything less from you. I know Vance gave you orders, but you gotta' know that we can't sit this one out."

Balboa raised an eyebrow. "I figured as much, but I'm running this thing, Jethro. I have no tolerance for any of you doing anything without my knowledge. You know what a problem that can be."

"You got my word."

"Glad to find you all together." Everyone turned as Fornell sauntered toward them. "I heard about McGee. Came down to offer bureau resources. No catch. It's your game. I just want to bring something to the table that might help. Can't let a think like this go unanswered."

Gibbs took Fornell's offered hand. "It's Rusty's case, Tobias, but I sure am glad to see you."

Fornell nodded. "I'd be at the hospital, but I imagine that McGee needs rest more than he needs a bunch of well-meaning visitors."

Balboa nodded. "I'll take you up on your offer, Fornell. Looks like there's a group of disgruntled servicemen. I worry that this isn't the only bomb we're going to see."

"Okay. Well, how about bringing me up to speed?"

DiNozzo could see the emotion in Gibbs' eyes. It reminded him of when Kate died. Gibbs had gotten soft then, gentle even, while he struggled to get this footing after her murder. DiNozzo planned on having his six until Boss was walking on firm ground again.

….

McGee followed Ducky with his eyes while the doctor checked his IV's and read his chart. He'd lost Abby a couple hours earlier to her lab work. McGee had a question stuck in his throat, debating whether he could handle the answer. Finally, Ducky finished his fussing and sat next to him. McGee worried his lip before asking, "McDonald?"

"No one told you."

"Jethro changed the subject when I asked."

Ducky sighed. "He died on the way to the hospital yesterday. He had a cardiac arrest in the ambulance."

"The radiation?"

"Partially. He had a bad heart. There was the stress. His body is older, less healthy. I'm going to do the autopsy this evening."

McGee lay back and closed his eyes. "I knew him for 20 minutes, maybe. He wouldn't let me go in alone even though I didn't need him."

Ducky shrugged. "It was his engine room, his vessel."

"He kept me calm. He was very matter of fact about what we were facing. It helped."

"Timothy, what happened to him has no bearing on your prognosis."

McGee didn't respond. He seemed to be lost in thought. Ducky sat down with them, and they both sat in silence. Finally, Ducky said, "I'm so busy trying to manage this that I'm not taking time to listen."

"Not much to say. "I'm scared. More than anything, I'm worried that I'll lose my dignity; that I'll spend my last days pathetic and scared. I worry that it isn't right to expect Jethro to see this through with me. I worry that it's not right to put any of you through this."

Ducky sighed. "I guess I would worry about the same things if I were you. I don't know what to tell except that you should imagine yourself in our place. Imagine it's Tony in this bed. How far would you be willing to go? How devoted would you be? And how angry would you be if he pushed you away when he needed you most? Timothy, we live our lives for the moments when we can best express our love for one another. You must let us do this for you…for us."

"Can we not talk all the time like everything will be okay?"

Ducky reached over and took his hand. "Yes, we can, but I need the hope, Timothy. I believe in the hope."

"Statistically, it's a different story."

"I've been a doctor for almost forty years, and one thing I can tell you is that statistics aren't worth bullocks in every day life. I have seen too many die when I thought they would live, and too many live when I thought they would die. Your story is still unfolding, and none of us can know the ending. Statistics are for those who haven't been both wearied and inspired by the vagaries of human existence."

McGee stared at him. "You really believe that."

"I do."

"I trust you, Duck. If you believe it, I can believe it."

Ducky smiled. "That's my boy!"

…

Abby had pushed him onto her futon. He knew she wouldn't have dared to do that on any other occasion, but his weakness was showing. He was no longer the invincible Gibbs. Today, he was merely a worried and frightened man. He knew he had to recover some of his reserve before the team spiraled out of his control, but right now he was wrestling with emotions he hadn't felt in many years and it overwhelmed him.

He laid his head on the back of the futon and closed his eyes. He couldn't sleep. His thoughts wandered between the battle ahead and the life he'd enjoyed with McGee for such a short time. Only two weeks ago had been his birthday. As usual, he said nothing to anyone, but every year, Abby decorated his desk and forced a celebration. He wondered if McGee would feel compelled to do the same. He'd been sleeping at Gibbs' full time. Gibbs debated talking to him about it. While birthdays should be times of celebration, his were filled with memories of Kelly and Shannon. He tended to use that day as a time of reflection.

The day fell on a Sunday and when Jethro woke, his bed was empty. He found Tim downstairs making waffles. McGee didn't pretend to be much of a cook, but there he was with a cookbook propped open, hands covered in flour. There was no mention of a birthday. Gibbs appreciated the effort and found the waffles to be quite good. After breakfast, McGee leashed the dog, and told a rather convoluted story about how he needed to take his laptop and work at a café. Then he disappeared.

Gibbs had the day to himself. He worked in the yard most of the day, taking time to sit down and think about Kelly playing in the yard, her sweet voice calling him from his work constantly. At the time, it had been annoying, but now he ached for her interruptions. Shannon would come out carrying her list, rattling off things she wanted him to finish, scooping up Kelly for an afternoon of errands. He'd watch them back out of the driveway with a smile on his face. He cherished this kind of memory. He knew from the minute he first met Shannon how lucky he was, and he never took them for granted.

It was early evening before McGee returned. With him, he had two gorgeous cuts of rib eye, a six pack of his favorite beer, and a grocery bag filled with goodies. He put the steaks in Gibbs' hands, and took the rest into the kitchen. An hour later, they were eating steak, a perfect Caesar salad, and garlic mashed potatoes. Desserts were plump strawberries dipped in chocolate. The conversation was minimal, but nothing felt awkward. McGee had chosen to celebrate Gibbs' birthday on his terms and Gibbs felt deeply grateful.

Later that night, a naked McGee joined him in bed. He produced a tube of lubricant and slicked his fingers, reaching back to massage between his butt cheeks. Gibbs turned onto his side, watching him intently. "Tim, there's no hurry for this. I've told you that many men don't find anal sex pleasurable."

McGee smiled. "I've been getting signals from that area of my anatomy ever since we started this thing, Jethro. I want this."

Jethro reached over and took the lubricant. "I'm going to take this slow, Timmy. I want this to be very special for you."

McGee turned on to his stomach, pulling a pillow beneath him to raise his ass for Gibbs' access. He looked over his shoulder at Jethro. "I trust you completely."

Jethro spent hours making love to McGee, tending to him everywhere before finally preparing him for penetration. He pushed in slowly, stopping and giving him time to adjust. And just when the whole thing was starting to feel like a chore, McGee let out a moan of pure pleasure. Jethro relaxed and the two of them started to have fun with it with Jethro developing a rhythm and McGee begging for more. Later, they lay side by side, drenched in sweat.

McGee placed a hand on Gibbs' stomach. "You ruined me, Jethro. I'm never going to feel anything that amazing ever again."

Gibbs chuckled. "You will, Timmy. In fact, you're going to feel it again tonight."

McGee lifted his head and looked at him. Jethro smiled. "My birthday, my rules."

McGee leaned over to-.

"Boss! Wake up, Boss."

Gibbs' eyes flew open and he sat forward. He looked up at Tony.

"You said you wanted to know when McGee's dad showed up at Bethesda."

Gibbs nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Tony."

"You want me to come with you?"

Gibbs shook his head. "I got it."

…..

Commander McGee wouldn't sit down. He paced the room while Tim reassured his mother by skype. Sarah kept gesturing him toward a chair but he ignored her.

Ducky had maneuvered himself so that Iris McGee could see both him and her son. "Mrs. McGee, let me assure you that Timothy's condition currently is quite stable. He may even be able to go home tomorrow. The battle is certainly not over. There will likely be complications in the next week or two, but we'll be ready for them."

The worried woman on the screen looked at him with green eyes and shook her head. "It kills me that I can't be there."

"It's okay, Mom. I could be getting better care anywhere. You and I are going to talk every day. Okay?"

She bit her lip. "None of you are going to lie to me about any of this. Promise me!"

Tim looked at Ducky. "We promise, Mom."

She threw him a kiss. "I love you, Tim."

He smiled. "I love you too, Mom."

McGee handed the laptop to Sarah and looked at his dad. "Can you sit down, please? You're making us all nervous."

Commander McGee shook his head. "You think maybe I have a reason to be nervous, Tim?"

"It's not helping, Dad."

The commander dropped his head and sighed. "I know." He dropped into a chair and looked at Ducky. "Sec Nav called me today. Said my son was getting the best. You think that's true, Dr. Mallard? Tell me the truth 'cause if something more could be happening, I'm going to make it happen."

"Sec Nav is quite correct in his assessment, Commander. The very best radiation specialists in the world are working on his case."

David McGee nodded. "It's hard to not do anything. I'm used to problems that can be solved with just the right influence or muscle or…. I just don't know what to do."

Tim watched him. "It's okay, Dad. We're all a little frustrated."

Sarah leaned over and rubbed her father's back. "Can't strong arm a solution, Dad. Let the doctors do their work."

David McGee relaxed. "At least, you're going home for a few days. Sarah and I can get your apartment ready for you."

Sarah looked at her brother and he winced. "Dad, I haven't been staying at my apartment the last couple of months."

McGee frowned. "I didn't know that. Is it Abby? Are you and she dating?"

"No."

"Tim, we talk on the phone every week. If you were dating a girl long enough to move in, it seems like I'd know about it. We're close like that."

Tim sat up as well as his weary body allowed. "We are close, Dad, but I've been in something new, and I haven't been ready to talk about it."

Ducky nudged Tim, and he looked up to see Gibbs at the door. "Uh, Dad, this is Special Agent Gibbs. You've heard me talk about him a lot the last eight years."

David McGee got up and advanced on Gibbs with a warm handshake. "Nice to finally meet you, Gunny. You've been a very important part of my son's life for a long time."

Gibbs nodded. "It's a pleasure, Commander. Your son is an excellent agent and a wonderful man. I'm proud to know him."

The mood in the room felt odd and the commander looked from Gibbs to his son. "Tim here has been holding out on me. Says he hasn't been in his apartment these last couple of months. Says he's in a new kind of relationship. Dr. Mallard says he can go home tomorrow, but I have no idea where that home is."

Tim sighed. "Dad, I'm dating a man. It's new, but I've been staying with him the last couple of months."

The commander's eyes widened. "You're Gay?"

Tim shrugged. "Yes. No. Maybe."

"What the hell does that mean?"

Sarah stood up. "Does it matter? Tim's sick with radiation poisoning and you're worried whether he's Gay. Come on, Dad!"

The commander threw his arms up. "I'm surprised. Can I be surprised? I thought this was one of those things you knew when you were a kid. Did you know this back then?"

"No, Dad, I didn't know."

"Okay," the commander's body visibly relaxed. "I can handle this. Sarah's right. We have bigger fish to fry here. Can I meet him? If he's important in your life, I might as well meet him."

Gibbs looked at Tim for a moment and then said. "You just did, Commander."

David McGee whirled around to stare at Gibbs. "You're his superior!"

"Dad, we're not in the military. Fraternization doesn't apply. We're two consenting adults."

He turned back to his son. "You've talked about Gibbs for eight years. How many times have you told me you would do anything for him, Tim? Is this just another one of those times?"

Tim sat there speechless, but his father didn't wait for an answer. He turned back to Gibbs. "He worships you. Said you were the best teacher he's ever had. Do you know how hard that is for a father to hear? I never resented it though because I believed that you had his best interest at heart. I never imagined you'd take advantage of him."

"Dad, stop it!" Tim yelled.

Commander shook his head. "How many years did you get bullied? How many times did your peers try to take advantage of your brilliance, Tim? I thought we were past all that, but even now, you're getting played."

"Sir!" Gibbs barked. 'That's enough!"

David McGee locked eyes with him for a moment. Then he shook his head and marched out of the room.

…..

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This chapter was very soothing to write. I got to explore the complexity of David McGee here, and I like him very much. It also gave me a chance to really think about Gibbs and Tim, and their commitment to one another. I hope you like it and I hope you let me know. Sheila

The Unbearable Lightness of Being McGee

Chapter 5

After her father walked out on Tim, Sarah got up to chase him, but Gibbs held her back. "Sarah, give him a little time to process."

She struggled. "He has no right! Tim is sick. He has no right to judge."

He held her by her shoulders. "What did you think the first time Tim told you?"

She didn't respond.

"Come on, Sarah. What did you think?"

"I was stunned…confused. I'd never pictured Tim with a man. He was always so focused on finding the right girl."

"And you needed time, right?"

She nodded. "Honestly, I still don't get it, but I remembered that a professor once told me that you don't have to understand something in order to respect it."

"He sounds like a smart man."

"She is a brilliant woman." Sarah smiled.

"Your dad is a good man and a terrific father. He's not going anywhere."

Gibbs' eyes locked with Tim's. McGee was tired, but more than that, Jethro could see a tremendous sadness in him. Ducky caught the unspoken communication. "Sarah, my dear, you and I should go downstairs for a bite. I'm famished and it's so dreary to have to eat alone."

Sarah took the hint and let Ducky link arms with her and lead her out of the room.

Gibbs sat down on the bed and took McGee's hand. "I'm sorry, Tim."

"I knew it was coming. I just didn't realize it would be so exhausting."

Gibbs sat up against the headboard and pulled Tim onto his chest. "Why don't I feel like we're the trainwreck that everyone else seems to see? Are we blind, Timmy? Are we fools?"

"I don't know," Tim murmured into his shirt. "It just feels so good when we're together. I understand what you need and you understand what I need. And the sex…is stunning."

Gibbs smiled. "Stunning?"

"I'm a little under the weather, Jethro. My thesaurus is slow."

"You want to come home with me tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I want to go home. I want to spend my time with you and my friends and my family."

"And your dad?"

Tim looked up at Gibbs' face. "I know him. My dad's going to be there for me."

Gibbs kissed the top of Tim's head.

"Ahmmm."

They looked over to see David McGee in the doorway. Tim raised his head. "Come in, Dad."

Gibbs sat up. "Would you like some time alone with Tim?"

Commander McGee shook his head. "Can I talk to both of you?"

"Sit down, Dad." Tim disengaged himself from Gibbs who slid off the bed and found a chair near the window.

The Commander looked down at his folded hands for a moment. "I was rude and abrasive. I'm making things worse at a very difficult time. I was so wrong to do that."

"I would've reacted in the same way if it were my son," Gibbs said.

"I don't understand this and…yet I do. The Gunny here knows what I mean, I think."

Gibbs nodded. "Men in combat become so close. It's not unusual for them to fall in love."

"And yet the military is an institution that forbids and punishes that behavior."

"It's not just the military, Dad."

David McGee looked up. "I know. I want to tell you a story if I might."

Tim looked at Gibbs quizzically and nodded.

"Early in my career, I was very ambitious. I had a friend, Peter Childers, who was the same way. We did everything together. We competed constantly. We partied. He was best man at my wedding. We were assigned on 9-month cruise out on the Indian Ocean together. I never had a friend like that before. I could tell him anything. One night on a layover in Bangkok, we got plastered. Peter used to get melancholy when he was too drunk, and he started telling me about this unrequited love of his. I was clueless right up until he leaned over and kissed me. Do you want to know what I did?"

Tim winced. "You hit him."

McGee nodded. "You sure know your old man. I clocked him good. He woke up the next day, and unfortunately, he remembered what happened. He tried to apologize but I wouldn't talk to him. I gave him the cold shoulder for months. Treated him like dirt. Then one there was a fire in the hold. He was in charge of the firefighting efforts. There was an explosion, and he suffered 3rd degree burns over 75% of his body. We got the fire under control, but we were thousands of miles from a decent burn unit. They did everything they could to make him comfortable, but he was dying. Even with a burn unit, chances of survival were slim. I was so sick from my meanness and my bigotry, but I got up the courage and went in and sat with him."

David stopped for a moment and rubbed at wet eyes. Tim bit his lip, his own eyes tearing.

"I asked him if he wanted me to go, but he held my hand tight. I apologized. I cried. I told him what a brave and noble man he was. And then I told stories about all the good times. I sat there for 36 hours until his damaged lungs stopped working. And then I watched him die."

"Why are you sharing this?" Tim wiped at his eyes.

"Decent, good, and noble men can fall in love with other men. I've seen some of them make it work. I've seen others drink themselves to death because they could never find peace with their desires."

"Do you have Gay friends, Dad?"

McGee nodded. "I do actually. It took years, but some of my friends finally decided to trust me with their secrets. I feel proud about that and I've tried to honor that trust in the best way I know how."

"But what Tim and I have doesn't feel the same, does it?" Gibbs asked.

McGee shrugged. "You're his boss, his mentor, his teacher. It worries me. And it worries me because I wonder if my son would be with a man at all if it wasn't for you."

Tim nodded. "You're right, Dad. I don't want another man. What Jethro and I have is something unique. I don't feel attraction toward other men. It's different but I feel so happy and content. I don't know how to explain it."

The Commander looked at Gibbs. "What do you say?"

"I was attracted to your son for a long time, but I never acted on it. I had to wait until he was his own man. I worried about him because he seemed so lost in the relationships he chose. He wanted to give everything, and women took advantage. I won't say that I didn't take advantage. I did. I offered him an opportunity to discover something new, and it was a revelation for him and for me. I care for him deeply, and my only intentions are to share those feelings with him."

"I know you've had a tragic history. How you get up in the morning is beyond me. Most men would've given in, but you keep fighting. I also know that you've had four marriages. You can be a son of a bitch. I've certainly heard those stories. If Tim was my daughter, I wouldn't be any happier with you than I am now."

Gibbs chuckled. "I hear you. From a relationship standpoint, I'm a thousand miles of bad road."

"What's different now?"

Gibbs shook his head. "I don't know. Tim gives me space. He doesn't have the same emotional needs. He, uh, gets me. I don't have to change."

McGee shrugged. "Sounds like a relationship of convenience."

"Dad!" Tim jumped in. "Enough with the interrogation."

"Your dad's right. That's what it sounds like. You see, Commander, I'm holding back. I'm very attracted to Tim. He's beautiful to me. Figured you weren't ready to hear that. I love his goodness, his sweetness, his patience. I'm hoping some of it rubs off."

Commander McGee turned to Tim. "And for you?"

"It isn't duty, Dad. I love and admire him. And I'm very attracted to him."

David McGee sighed and sat back. "Holidays are going to be weird."

"Huh?"

"I expect both of you for Christmas. Seriously. If you're doing the boss, then I know you can get Christmas off."

Gibbs squirmed. "I'm…not good with holidays."

"Of course. You lost your family. Understandable. However, Tim's mother loves holidays so you're going to have to suck it up for a couple of days because if you're in Tim's life, you're in our lives too. It won't be so bad. Iris is a terrific cook and I watch football all day drinking bourbon."

Tim watched the two of them. "You're having fun with him, Dad. Be nice."

"Hey, he says you accept him for who he is. I know enough about relationships to know that there has to be a little give on each side. I just don't want your needs getting lost in the shuffle."

Gibbs grinned. "Very good, Commander. I can compromise. Do I get to drink bourbon and watch football or do I have to help in the kitchen?"

David threw back his head and laughed. "Tim hates football. We'll send him in to help his mother."

Tim let out a deep sigh. "Well, this is a start."

David McGee nodded. "I'm still leery, but right now I need to focus all of my energy on my son's battle with radiation. For that, you and I need to be allies."

"Agreed, Commander."

David McGee leaned over Tim's bed and extended a hand. "Call me David, Jethro."

Gibbs shook his hand. "Tim needs all of us right now."

…

Tim's legs felt like those of a new colt, but his symptoms were under control. It was time to go home and pray that his organ systems didn't start to shut down. Despite some trepidation, Gibbs had allowed Abby and Ziva plan a barbeque at his house. It could be overwhelming, but it was also an opportunity for everyone to see him at once rather than a long string of visits throughout the week.

Commander McGee helped him dress and he sat fully clothed on the bed waiting for a nurse to discharge him. After twenty minutes, the commander got impatient and went in search of the nurse. Tim closed his eyes for a few moments. He heard voices and opened his eyes. Two Naval officers stood before him. "We're looking for Special Agent Timothy McGee."

Tim blinked at them. "That's me."

The two officers looked at one another in confusion.

"Is there a problem?"

"Well, you actually look pretty healthy." One of the officers admitted.

"I'm being discharged today."

The other officer sighed. "We were told that there wasn't much time."

"For what?" Tim asked.

"The Secretary of the Navy wants to present you with the Navy's Distinguished Public Service Award. It's the highest honor the Navy can give to a civilian."

Tim nodded. "That's really nice."

The officers looked at one another again. "We were told that arrangements for presentation of the award had to be made immediately as you weren't expected to survive…for long. Our intel was quite clear on this."

Tim took a minute to digest this. "Well, complications are probable. I've been told that the next few weeks are critical."

One officer looked at the other. "Sec Nav is in Europe for most of August. If we don't want this to be posthumous, it has to happen in the next two weeks. A posthumous ceremony is quite different to plan."

"You want me to make a decision about this?"

"It would help, Sir."

Commander McGee wandered in at this moment. He nodded at the officers and looked at Tim. "What's going on?"

"These officers are from Sec Nav's office. I am to be given the Navy's Distinguished Public Service Award."

Commander McGee smiled. "Congratulations Tim!"

"However, we are on something of a schedule it seems. The officers have been told to put this together before I die."

The officers looked uncomfortable. "We certainly didn't intend to be that blunt."

Tim looked at his father. "Sec Nav is out of town in August. If we don't do it now, they are worried it will have to be posthumous and the planning would have to be different. They would like me to choose. Do you have a preference, Dad?"

David McGee's face colored. "You honestly asked my son this?"

"We were told to expect Agent McGee in the end stages of life. We're very sorry."

The commander's hands shook. "This is surreal."

"Commander, if we do it now, the ceremony would be put together hastily, but it would be quite nice. Sec Nav has told us to plan as extravagantly as possible. There would be luncheons, the actual ceremony, and, perhaps, a trip to the White House. It would be a fitting final honor to your son's life."

Commander McGee spoke slowly. "My son's demise is not a foregone conclusion, gentlemen. To speak like this in front of him is outrageous!"

Tim got to his feet slowly. "It's okay, Dad. Calm down."

The officers backed toward the door. "We've handled this poorly, Commander. I'm afraid that we didn't see beyond the order to 'get it done!' We apologize to you and Special Agent McGee."

Tim leaned against the bed. "Clearly, you've been given an impossible job, gentlemen. Please tell Sec Nav that I am extremely honored to be offered this award. But as I said previously, the next few weeks are critical for me. I will not have time for luncheons, ceremonies, or trips to the White House. Friends and family are my focus now. Please tell him that we can revisit this in six months. I am unable to predict what sort of ceremony you will be planning in that time. I'm sorry."

David McGee sank into a chair after they left hastily and rested his head on his hand. Tim walked over and stroked his hair. The commander reached out and hugged his son's waist tightly. Tim whispered. "You don't mind about the ceremony. I know you would love to see me be honored."

David McGee shook his head in Tim's shirt. "All that matters is you, son. I don't need any award to tell me who you are."

"Don't be too mad at them, Dad. They were given an order, and are just trying to keep Sec Nav happy."

"I'm not prepared to think about losing you."

Tim kissed the top of his father's head. "Me neither, Dad."

….

The barbeque was nice. Tony picked up some nice quality brats, burgers, and steaks. Ziva and Abby purchased salads, desserts, and watermelon. Ducky and Palmer brought enough alcohol for three parties. Leon Vance and his wife Jackie came bringing Southern fried chicken. Gibbs generally concerned himself with lawn care and pest control, putting up various mosquito repellents.

Tim sat in a lawn chair in the backyard and let the festivities proceed around him. Others pulled up chairs as well, and the party settled into reminiscing about old times. Fornell brought a bottle of 50 year-old scotch that people passed around, pouring it into small paper cups. Tim nursed a single glass of white wine throughout the evening. Sarah looked around after a couple of hours and said, "Where's Dad?"

David McGee had gotten out of the car at Gibbs' house, and murmured something about taking a walk. Tim hadn't seen him since. "He's just walking. He'll be back."

Sarah bit her lip. "He's sulking because you're staying with Jethro."

Her outburst surprised the group. Tim shook his head. "Don't be so quick to judge, Sarah. It's not about Jethro and me."

Gibbs looked at Tim with concern. "Did something happen this morning?"

"I'd rather not bring it up."

Tony downed his paper cup of scotch. "Tim, I'm going to ask a favor. I'm worried we're never really going to get a clear picture of what's going on. I'm worried that it will always be about sparing feelings and such. And even though, this is happening to you, it's happening to us too. We're family. I can't spend the next few weeks guessing at what's happening to you."

"Tony's right," Gibbs said.

Tim sighed. "It's not medical. A couple of officers from Sec Nav's office showed up. Sec Nav wants to honor me with the Distinguished Public Service Award."

"That's great news!" There were some whoops and clapping.

Tim nodded. "It is, but the officers were a little too focused on their tasks. They assumed I was already close to death. Thought they had only a couple of weeks before I died. They thought the award ceremony and trappings would be a nice way for me to go out. Wondered if I preferred a posthumous ceremony. It was odd to talk about something like that. They realized how they were being…too frank, but Dad took it hard."

"That's horrible!" Abby said curled up in the grass next to Ziva.

"I'll be on the phone with Sec Nav's office first thing tomorrow morning. That's outrageous." Vance said tightly. "That kind of insensitivity is inexcusable."

Tim shook his head. "Don't be too hard. In many ways, they were trying to communicate a reality that you all haven't allowed me to consider. I told them that we'd discuss it in six months. Couldn't promise them it would be a posthumous ceremony though."

"Good for you, Tim!" Ducky exclaimed.

"I just want these last…this time to be about all of you. No need for awards. Really. I just want to concentrate on staying healthy."

The group fell silent, people sitting under the soft lanterns in the evening sky, drinking scotch, lost to their feelings. Tim cleared his throat. "Okay now, this is where I get worried. We were having fun before I told you about that."

Ziva reached up and took his hand. "We still have room for laughter. Don't worry."

"Telling us was good, Tim." Tony's eyes were bright under the soft light. "The six months is good timing. It gives me time to see if I can win one of those awards too. Can't have my probie getting ahead of me."

Tim smiled. "You're on, DiNozzo."

A new presence appeared behind Tim and put his hand on his shoulder. Tim reached up and patted it. "Hi Dad."

Sarah got up and put her arms around her dad, hugging him tightly.

Gibbs stood up. "I saved you one of the best cuts, David. Medium rare?"

The commander nodded. "Got any hooch around here?"

Fornell passed him the scotch and a paper cup. "I hope this will do."

David looked at the bottle and smiled. "This will do just fine."

…

Tim watched Jethro as he walked into the dark bedroom and shed his clothes. "Are Dad, Ducky, and Sarah all tucked in?"

He looked up, startled. "I thought you'd be sleeping."

"I wanted to be awake for you. We've really had so little alone time."

Jethro put his clothes away and slid into bed in t-shirt and boxers.

"First time you've worn clothes to bed with me."

Gibbs pulled McGee to him and started stroking his hair. "I got a house full of in-laws. You sure you want me walking around naked?"

Tim smiled and kissed him softly. "Thank you for doing all this."

"It's not a struggle, Tim. I want to be this for you."

"I'm not done being naked with you."

Jethro returned his kiss. "Promise me."

"I promise, Jethro. I promise to be your sexy boy again very soon."

Gibbs began nibbling on his ear. "I'll be waiting."

Tim moaned. "If I wasn't so tired…"

"There's plenty of time. Don't worry."

McGee nestled his head on Gibbs' chest. Jethro rubbed his back for a couple minutes. "Tim, are you still awake?"

"Hmmm. Yeah, Jethro, I'm still awake."

"I was watching you tonight, sitting in that circle with all of those people who adore you and I realized something."

"What?" Tim said softly.

"I really am in love with you, Timmy."

Tim smiled into his hairy chest. "I love you too, Jethro."

"Go to sleep, my love."

Long after McGee started snoring softly, Gibbs lay there, stroking his hair, and staring out at the moon. In many ways, he was embarking on a journey far more perilous than any he'd ever travelled before.

…

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

5

A/N: I am experiencing FFF: fanfiction fatigue. I struggled mightily to write this chapter. I don't feel inspired, and it is only through a sense of responsibility that I am attempting to finish what I started. Too many real world things to worry about right now. Hopefully, it gets better soon. If you staying with me, let me know. Sheila

The Unbearable Lightness of Being McGee

Chapter 6

He felt a hand trail up his torso settling on a nipple. Long fingers playfully twisted and rubbed at it. Jethro stifled a groan, keeping his eyes closed as if he was still sleeping. Then a warm tongue landed on his other nipple, swirling the areola expertly. He felt teeth carefully tease the nipple. When the tongue disappeared, Jethro's back arched as if to follow.

He heard a chuckle and opened his eyes to find McGee sitting back on his haunches. "You're kind of a slut, Jethro."

Gibbs smiled. "That was a nice wake up."

"The house is empty. Dad and Sarah flew back to California and Ducky's sleeping at home this week."

"How you feeling, Tim?"

McGee shrugged. "Today's a good day."

Jethro reached up and tugged on his elbow, pulling Tim down into his arms. "So far, so good."

McGee nestled his face in Gibbs' neck. "I'm horny, Jethro."

"You sure?"

McGee bit his ear lightly. "Yeah."

Jethro turned on his side, his eyes travelling down Tim McGee's body. The boy's skin was alabaster, untouched by body hair anywhere on his chest. He was both a delicate and a strong man, and Jethro was forever fascinated by the contradictions. He reached down and took McGee's cock firmly. McGee groaned, his hands gripping Gibbs' torso. "Let me wake you up, Timmy."

Tim buried his head in his chest and moaned as Gibbs expertly massaged him. McGee reached over and clamped his teeth on Gibbs' bicep. "Jethro! Please don't let me come too soon. Please!"

Gibbs knocked his face against McGee's, searching for his mouth. Tim righted Gibbs' face with his hand, and they kissed hard and deep, tongues massaging one another. Jethro had grown to love McGee's obsession with the mouth. The boy could orgasm from the act of kissing alone.

Gibbs let go of McGee's cock and Timmy straddled him, concentrating all of his energy into the kissing. After a few minutes, McGee broke away, rubbing his cheek against Jethro's. He panted for a moment and then said. "I want you in my ass, Jethro. In my ass, facing me. You fuck my ass and I fuck your mouth with my tongue. Lay back. I'm going to get you ready for me."

Jethro smiled as he looked up at his panting lover. McGee could choreograph hot sex with the same brilliance Michelle Kwan could skate a short program at the Olympics.

…..

McGee could feel her eyes on him as he typed. If he looked up, he was sure to see Ziva watching him carefully. This happened every day this week. They all watched him like he might magically disappear in a puff of smoke. They'd all said how ridiculous it was that he return to work. He should be home and resting. As it was, Ducky only authorized 4 hours a day in the office.

Still, they fussed. Ziva brought him soft foods to eat in case his digestive tract had weakened. Tony jumped up every time he tried to rise, insisting on getting files for him or any other errand. They all cared so much and he was touched, but the truth was that when faced the enormity of one's mortality, a man seeks, more than anything, a sense of normalcy. They denied him that at every turn. Only Jethro treated him like he always had. He didn't fuss and he didn't hover. When McGee worked four hours, Gibbs didn't remind him or point at the clock. He just waited for McGee to be ready and then he took him home.

It was 8 days now since the exposure. He'd been home with Gibbs for four of those days. He wasn't feeling bad. He was taking the medications he'd been prescribed, eating carefully, and sleeping a lot. It was almost enough to lull himself into a false sense of security, but every time he saw Ducky, he could see the strain and the fear in the older man's eyes.

This morning he'd experienced an ache in his gut. It had been fleeting, but then it had reappeared twice more. It wasn't debilitating, and if there had been no radiation, he'd have chocked it up to a bit of food poisoning and ignored it, but these were different times. Still, mentioning it to anyone would surely set off an overreaction so he merely took note of it and returned to work.

Abby called and said she was struggling with some code she'd pulled off the laptop of a dead petty officer and McGee welcomed the chance to get up and do some real investigative work. Gibbs got up and followed him and for a moment, Tim bristled, betrayed that Jethro would stoop to babying him, but once in the elevator, Gibbs hit the emergency stop. "Hey Tim, I was thinking that tonight, I might not take you home."

"Why?"

Jethro shrugged. "I thought we'd go for a drive and…find a place to spend the night."

Tim smiled. "Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Robinson?"

Gibbs smirked at the movie reference. "Maybe."

"It's a nice idea. I'm sort of tired of sitting at home waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Good. I got a sitter for Jethro jr., and I packed a bag for both of us."

Tim reached up and stroked his lover's cheek. "You're a keeper, Jethro."

…..

When Tim returned to his desk, he found Fornell waiting. He gestured at the elevator. "Boss will be back in about twenty minutes."

Fornell nodded and sat down at Gibbs' desk. Tim hid a smile. No one could get away with going through Gibbs' stuff with the exception of Tobias Fornell.

"How you feeling, Tim?"

McGee looked up. "I'm doing okay. How's the investigation? Are you closing in on the group that Wallace was working with?"

Fornell shrugged. "Not as quickly as I would like. Wish we had you working with us on the internet angle."

"I tried. Boss won't let me near it. I'm only closing case files these days."

Fornell nodded. "He's right about that, you know. You need to stay focused on your health."

"You found anyone to infiltrate the group?"

"Jethro would be perfect for it. He's ex-military, he can play disgruntled, he's cool under pressure, but, like you, he's a bit pre-occupied."

"Have you asked him?"

Fornell shook his head. "Not going to, Tim. He should be with you right now."

Tim was quiet for a few minutes. When he looked up, he found Fornell watching him closely. "Tobias, he's been amazing to me. He takes care of me. He's been patient, loving; I couldn't ask for more, but I worry. He's not built to be a nursemaid. He should be the one out there taking these guys down. He needs that outlet."

"He'd never forgive himself if he wasn't there when you needed him."

"I need him to be okay too. He needs to bring these guys down. He wouldn't be far away. It's not deep cover. You'll set up a meet, right? Probably nothing more complicated than that."

"It isn't deep cover."

"If I need him, I'll contact you."

Fornell shook his head. "I don't know, Tim. He's pretty distracted."

Tim felt a presence behind him, but he didn't move a muscle to acknowledge it. "I want Jethro to be the one to get these guys. Nobody can do it like he does. I'm going to be in good hands. It's really the best thing for him and me."

Fornell focused on the man behind McGee. "You heard him, Jethro. What do you think?"

Jethro looked down at McGee. "You tired of having me around?"

"You know better."

"I'm content to let Fornell take the lead. My place is here with you."

Tim shook his head. "We're sitting around day after day like we're waiting for a funeral to happen. We can do better than that. You need to be who you are. I can spend time with Ducky, Abby, Tony, and Ziva. And when I need you, I'll know how to find you."

"You sure?"

"You can bring these guys down. You're the best there is. It'll be good for both of us."

"What about tonight?"

McGee smiled. "Tonight, you're mine. You don't belong to Fornell until tomorrow."

…

McGee gazed up at a night sky full of stars. His head rested on Gibbs' bare chest. Jethro's hand was in his hair massaging him slowly. Neither man spoke. It was a moment of deep contentment; something to savor and remember always.

Jethro had found a cabin in the mountains only a couple hours away. The bedroom had a huge skylight, and McGee had spent the first hour consumed with identifying constellations.

None of the sex they'd promised one another had materialized. It hadn't turned out to be that kind of night. Tim had trouble eating at dinner. He didn't have an appetite, and the pain in his gut had reappeared. Still, it was manageable and he hid it from Jethro.

Once in the cabin, McGee wanted nothing more than to lay down. Jethro sensed his mood, and the two lay naked on the covers of the bed, lost in the sky above. Tim told Jethro stories about the constellations while the older man caressed and kissed him gently. Then the two had lapsed into silence, letting their beating hearts and soft caresses tell the story. McGee tried to force his heavy eyelids to stay open. Something in his gut told him that this might be one of the last peaceful nights he'd ever have.

….


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I've been thinking about my FFF (Fanfiction fatigue), and realized that much of it centered around whether or not I am creating a believable Gibbs and McGee with credible feelings for one another. I felt it so strongly in the beginning and then started to lose that. I've regained enough belief in this to keep going. You have been so wonderful about letting me know that you are still engaged. If it starts to feel OOC, let me know. Sheila

The Unbearable Lightness of Being McGee

Chapter 7

The pain in his gut stabbed at him, and he struggled to keep his face passive. He wasn't ready to start dying, and acknowledging the pain felt like a surrender of sorts. He dug his fingers into the edge of the table in response to the pain. Tony's sharp eyes met his, but he looked away, pretending deep focus on Fornell and his presentation.

From what he could understand, Jethro would play an angry Marine, Feduppatriot, who'd been posting on an Anti-government site for about two years. The real Marine had been recently arrested on Tax evasion charges. Jethro would assume his identity. Under Fornell's direction, agents had been posting clues the last few weeks as to where Feduppatriot liked to spend his afternoons. The plan was to plant Jethro at a seedy little bar and see if any like-minded people showed up. It was a simple plan and Tim felt relieved that it centered on perps coming to Gibbs rather than Gibbs infiltrating an organization. Jethro would be under surveillance the whole time. Unless there was evidence he was being followed, Gibbs would come home to him every night.

The next stab of pain went deeper, and McGee had to stifle a grunt. He felt Gibbs stiffen beside him, but when he met his eyes, Tim gave him a reassuring look. The presentation ended and Gibbs turned to him. "All you have to do is call Fornell, and I'm on my way."

McGee nodded.

"You okay, Tim?" Those intelligent blue eyes studied him carefully.

"A little indigestion, I think. I'll watch it."

"If it gets bad…"

"I know." McGee pressed his hand. "Go catch us some bad guys, okay?"

Gibbs nodded, stared at him for a moment, and then took off after Fornell.

McGee leaned over slightly, groaning aloud for the first time. Just as he started to contemplate how he would get to the doctor in one piece, he felt a hand slide around his waist. Startled, he turned and stared into Tony's worried face. "How long have you been hiding the pain?"

"Don't be so loud," McGee hissed.

Tony looked into his eyes and softened. "I know you're scared."

"I'm not ready, Tony."

"You're going to be okay."

McGee looked down at the table and focused on steadying his breath.

Tony leaned over and whispered. "I'm going to take you to Bethesda. We won't tell anyone yet. We'll let them take a look and then we'll know what to do. Okay?"

Tim nodded gratefully, wiping quickly at moisture gathering in his eyes.

…

Four hours later, he sat in a doctor's office next to Tony. The pain had subsided to an extent and he was telling himself that this could be a non-event. He leaned over. "I'm starting to feel better. We can probably still salvage a couple hours at the office."

"We'll hear it from the Doc and then we'll know."

The doctor came in with a set of films and sat down across from them.

"I'm feeling better. I think I'm good to go home," Tim offered hopefully.

The doctor sighed. "Some moments will be better than others, but you're…not getting better."

McGee shifted in the chair. "I've done everything asked. I'm taking it slow, eating a low-fiber diet, no stress."

"Tim, you're bleeding into your abdomen."

Tony's breath caught.

"It's bad?" McGee asked.

"Not yet. The CAT scan shows several small bleeds. A couple in your intestines, one near your spleen, and one in your stomach."

McGee swallowed. "So what do we do?"

"We start you on some coagulants, IV's, other drugs. You stop eating food all together so we don't further distress your digestive tract and we wait."

He nodded. "But I can do all of that from home, right?"

The doctor shook his head and leaned forward. "Tim, you need to listen to me. Your organ systems are starting to disintegrate. This is very serious."

McGee held his breath and looked away.

"Okay, now I'm not understanding," Tony said in a shaky voice. "You're sitting there in a calm voice telling us that his insides are turning to mush. Is there a real solution? Can drugs make a difference? Is my friend dying?"

"We don't know the extent to the damage. His body may respond although the number of bleeds suggest to me that drugs alone aren't going to make a difference. Tim is going to have to be monitored closely in the hospital. The body is amazing at healing itself. If left alone, most small bleeds will clot themselves. I don't think that's going to happen here. I think that one or more of these bleeds will likely get worse. In that case, we'll have to do surgery to repair it."

Tony nodded. "So there are solutions. If anything gets out of hand, you'll go in and repair it."

"It sounds simple enough, Mr. DiNozzo, but there's a good chance that too many bleeds will erupt and we won't be able to keep up. We can't do surgery after surgery especially with so many fragile organ systems."

McGee nodded. "And then I bleed out and die."

"It's a possibility. My intention is to be positive, but you need to understand how serious this is."

McGee gripped the sides of his chair as another wave of pain hit. "How long will this play out? In other words, how much time do I have? Is it time to call my family?"

The doctor closed his eyes for a moment. "I can't predict how bad it will be or your chances of survival. If you're still with us in a week, then I'm feeling pretty good about your chances of recovering. But if I were in your shoes right now, I would call everyone who cares about you and I would arrange to see them."

McGee pushed on the arms of the chair as if to get up, but more pain hit and he fell back into the seat. The doctor got up. "Just sit, Tim. I'll have a gurney brought in and we'll get you up to the intensive care unit. We'll get you on some pain meds and you'll be comfortable in a few minutes."

The doctor disappeared out the door and McGee sat, staring ahead in stunned silence. Tony cleared his throat. "I'll call Ducky. He'll…uh, tell everyone who needs to know. I can call Fornell too, if you want. Boss needs to know. Do you need…help calling your parents?"

McGee looked at him feverishly. "If I begged you to take me home, would you do it? I don't want to die in a hospital."

Tony closed his eyes. "Nobody's dying, Tim. Nobody. We're not going to sit for it. You're going to stay here and do everything you can do to get through this, and I'm not going to leave until I know you're okay. We're all going to be here for you, and so you better not give up and break our hearts. You got me, Probie?"

Tim stared at him. "Okay, Tony. I understand."

….

Ziva studied him for signs of discomfort. Any shift he made, she dived in to rearrange pillows or adjust blankets. Her eyes stayed wet throughout the afternoon, but she refused to give in to tears. He finally talked her into a game of Scrabble, but the game never gained momentum; his mind was dulled from pain medication and hers from worry.

Ducky showed up and everyone felt a great sense of relief. Ducky knew how to communicate in this language of fear. He seemed able to say things the others couldn't voice. Tim thanked him softly after Ducky got on the phone and explained the situation to his father, David. The Commander arranged for the whole family to fly into D.C. the next morning.

Abby showed up, her energy manic as it is so often when she's stressed. She carried a pint of pistachio ice cream, determined that Tim should not be denied a taste. Ducky told her to put it away, but she argued. Finally, Tony grabbed it out of her hand and dropped it in the trash. Abby froze and they all fell silent at his energy.

Tony rubbed his face. "Abby, I'm sorry if I scared you, but we can't play games. It's too serious."

"It can't be that serious," she whispered and they could feel the denial radiating off her.

Tim gestured to her. "Come here, Abs. Sit up here with me."

Her eyes watered. "It's bad?"

He nodded. "It's bad enough. I tried to downplay it earlier too. Luckily, Tony was there to set me straight. Now climb up here and tell me about your latest project."

She cocked her head, tears falling. "I won't hurt you?"

He shook his head. "Never. Get up here and distract me from the pain."

She rubbed at her face roughly and climbed into bed with him, gently curling up against him, her head on his shoulder. He whispered into her hair, "Tell me things."

Slowly but surely, she found her husky voice again, and began detailing the latest hard drive she was examining. The chatter seemed to calm McGee and he closed his eyes for a while. Tony sat next to Ziva and she pulled his head down into her lap, stroking his hair. Ducky sat with a copy of test results, searching them for deeper answers.

Ducky was the first to notice when Jethro Gibbs appeared in the doorway wearing a USMC sweatshirt and a pair of jeans. He stared at Tim. "What happened?"

Ducky stood. "He's experiencing some bleeding into his abdomen."

Tim opened his eyes and saw Jethro. He sat up, pushing Abby's sleeping head gently onto the pillow. "I'm okay."

"You were feeling this yesterday. It was why you were so quiet last night."

Tim blushed. "It didn't seem like much."

Jethro let out a breath. "And yet you sent me away today."

"You needed this. You can't stay cooped up with me 24 hours a day."

Gibbs slammed his palm into the side of the doorway. "You promised you wouldn't keep anything from me!"

Everyone was awake and sitting up now. All eyes were on an angry Gibbs. He looked back at all of them. "Clear the room, please."

Tony stood. "He's sick, Boss. Leave him alone."

"Clear the room!"

Nobody moved for a moment. Gibbs' anger seemed a bad match for McGee's vulnerability, but McGee nodded. "Please leave. I need to talk to Jethro."

Reluctantly, they all filed out of the room. Gibbs closed the door and leaned against it. "I need to trust you, Tim."

"I know."

"I only went this morning because I was sure you'd be okay. You can't lie to me like this."

"I know."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

McGee looked down and shook his head.

Gibbs came over to the bed and lifted his chin. "What were you thinking?"

Tim swallowed. "I don't want to watch myself die through your eyes."

Jethro sat on the bed and searched his eyes. "I don't know what that means."

"I want you to have a way to fight. You can't make my health different, but you can be out there finding the people who helped Wallace do this to me."

"You don't want me here with you?"

McGee reached for his hand. "Of course, I do. It's just that it'll kill both of us to watch me slip away inch by inch. The hours you have away from here are the hours where you can breath. Don't you see?"

Gibb's strong arms enveloped him. "You're not slipping away."

"The doctor thinks that it's bad. The bleeding will get worse and there is a good chance that they won't be able to stop it all. You shouldn't have to watch that."

"No, Timmy, you're not slipping away. We're going to fight this. I'm happy for the first time since I lost my girls and I'm not letting go of that."

"I don't want you to get hurt," Tim breathed into his neck.

"Then let me be here with you…because it's what I need." Gibbs held him tight and rocked him gently.

"They think you're in here killing me," McGee muttered into his shoulder.

Jethro smiled. "Let 'em. It adds to the whole 'Gibbs is a bastard' mystique."

…..

After Tim fell asleep for that night, he allowed himself a trip to the cafeteria for coffee. He paid for it and tuna salad sandwich. Then he noticed a familiar face sitting at a table in front of a laptop. "Tobias?"

Fornell looked up and nodded. "Figured that you'd come for coffee at some point."

"It's after midnight. Are you crazy? What are you doing here?" Jethro sat down across from him.

"Thinking about you and McGee."

"I'm sorry about what happened today. Screwed up the stakeout."

"It was foolish to try."

"Tim still wants me to do it."

Tobias shook his head. "It's not happening. There's a retired FBI agent that I think would be perfect for this."

"I don't want to be out of the loop."

"Wouldn't dream of it. If we're getting close to something, I'll bring you in."

Jethro nodded. He bit into the sandwich, chewed, winced, and then pushed the sandwich away.

"I'll bring you something decent to eat tomorrow."

"Still don't get why you're here at midnight."

He shrugged. "I've never seen you like this before. You look terrified. It seems to me like you need a friend…someone who doesn't work for you."

"I don't recognize myself either."

"You're in love. I thought I'd seen that before with you, but I guess I was wrong."

"I'm in love with a man is what you're thinking."

Tobias nodded. "I really didn't see that coming. Figured you were the last of the great white heterosexuals."

"I suppose you're wondering if I've had a hard-on for you these last twenty years."

Mouth to his coffee, Fornell spurted it out at that moment. "Ah…no, I haven't been wondering."

"Good 'cause falling in love with McGee was about McGee, not his gender. He's sort of the anti-me, and I find him…to be everything I want and need."

Tobias cocked his head. "I actually get that."

Jethro looked at him closely. "Really? Do you want me to see if DiNozzo is dating anyone?"

Fornell choked on a response. "God no!"

"When this thing with Tim first started, I thought about explaining myself to you, but then I figured that we'd known each other long enough and through enough that…something like this wouldn't matter."

"Good call. It doesn't."

"Thanks Tobias."

He nodded. "I'm putting all my money on you and the kid to make it, Jethro. So don't give up, ya' hear me?"

Jethro nodded wearily. He got up, hesitated, and then patted Tobias on the back awkwardly. "Thanks friend."

Fornell sat back and watched his old friend head back to the elevators. He found himself almost breathless in the hope that Jethro and Tim would be together long enough to re-ignite his own belief in true love.

…

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

10

A/N: This was a hard chapter. I want to show love and concern, but I want to keep people in character and keep some control on the amount of melodrama. I am constantly asking myself if Gibbs and McGee are capable of these words and actions. This is a story about love and I hope it translates. Let me know what you think. Sheila

The Unbearable Lightness of Being McGee

Chapter 8

Pain erupted in the small of his back every time he shifted, but there was little that could be done. Tim was hooked up to too many machines to allow him to climb into bed with him. He had to content himself with sitting in a chair and resting his head on the mattress. He lifted his blurry head and noted that it was 4:30 a.m. They'd only been sleeping an hour. The pain in McGee's gut had grown through the night, but it was too much of a risk to give him more morphine. Gibbs had ridden through the waves of pain with him, holding his hand tightly. McGee's hand was still clutched in his and Jethro's fingers had gone numb.

Ducky had monitored his blood pressure, and there was some worry around midnight that it was dropping too fast. Dropping pressure meant that the bleeding was out of control and he would need surgery, but he was given a blood transfusion and his pressure stabilized. At 2 a.m., they did another scan and pinpointed the sites of most concern. It was clear that the bleeding had spread since McGee had been scanned only 16 hours previously, but did not require major surgery.

In low tones, Ducky explained the process of angiography where surgeons could see the bleeds more specifically, allowing them to use lasers to cauterize the bleeding without performing a major surgery. Because of McGee's weakened organs, there was a legitimate fear that if they opened him up, he'd bleed out from the trauma alone. Fear was alive in McGee, but he did nothing but nod when Ducky talked. Gibbs did his best to stay cool so that McGee would feel little of their anxiety.

Gibbs watched the clock tick. At 5 a.m., they were going to wheel him out to do the procedure. Gibbs felt like he'd been dropped deep in the ocean with no land in sight. He had no idea what to do but move from crisis to crisis and hope that he could keep his head above water. Jethro Gibbs didn't do feelings. That fact had destroyed three marriages. Still, the urge to run nor even sabotage this relationship hadn't occurred to him. Being with McGee felt as natural as he felt when he first met Shannon.

Two surgical nurses came in quietly and began the work of transferring McGee and his many IV's onto a gurney. Gibbs raised his head and gently woke McGee. "Hey Timmy, you need to wake up."

McGee groaned.

"They're taking you down for the procedure. I got to stay up here. I just want you to know I'll be waiting."

McGee popped his eyes open. "Is it serious?"

"No," he said patting Tim's check. "They're going to close up some bleeds. Not even going to open you up much. It'll just take a couple of hours. Perfectly safe."

Tim's eyes searched his. "It's not time to say good-bye?"

Jethro swallowed and shook his head. "No good-byes for you and me. I promise."

The two nurses lifted him gently away from Gibbs. He forgot about his cramped fingers and moaned as he was forced to disengage with Tim's hand. McGee's worried eyes stayed with him as they wheeled him out of the room.

….

"My son. Please can you tell me where my son is?"

Gibbs felt a hand on his shoulder and he jerked upright. He was still in the chair next to Tim's bed, but Tim was gone and there was a woman standing over him wearing McGee's big green eyes. He shook his head as if trying to dislodge a persistent dream.

"Are you Leroy Jethro Gibbs?"

He blinked again at her. As his vision focused, he saw Sarah McGee standing behind her and then the pieces fell into place. "You're Tim's mother."

She nodded. "Where's Tim?"

"They took him down for a procedure a little while ago. An angiography. They're trying to stop some of the bleeds. What time is it?"

"It's 7:30 a.m., Mr. Gibbs."

He looked at her closely. She had his fair complexion and honey brown hair. She was pretty and delicate, and could have passed for much younger than she was. "He should be back here soon, Mrs. McGee."

She smiled. "Call me Lila. It looks like you had a rough night."

He ran his fingers through his hair and stood. "It was okay. Your son is doing as well as…he's hanging in there just fine. You can call me Jethro."

She turned to Sarah. "Honey, can you get a couple of black coffees for us from the cafeteria?"

"Sure," she said softly, disappearing before he could protest.

Lila McGee leaned against the bed and Gibbs suddenly remembered she'd recently had back surgery. "Ma'am, I mean Lila, do you want to sit?"

She shook her head wearily. "My husband is securing a room for me downstairs. For now, it feels best to just stand. The hours on the plane were excruciating."

He nodded, standing next to her awkwardly.

"So I understand that you are my son's boyfriend."

His face colored and he nodded.

She put a hand over her mouth to suppress what sounded like a giggle. "I'm sorry. It just sounded silly when I said that. I should have found a more dignified segue, I suppose, to meeting my son's partner."

"It's okay."

She looked at him for a moment. "You're probably wondering my reaction. I don't have much of one actually. If you're taking care of my son and your feelings for him are genuine, I don't care what gender you are. He's says he's very happy and that's all that matters."

He nodded. "That's good to know."

They were interrupted by Ducky appearing in the doorway leading Tim's gurney. Ducky saw Lila McGee and came over to shake her hand. "You must be Timothy's mother. I can see him in your face. I'm Dr. Mallard. Call me Ducky, please."

Tim was sleeping and he didn't stir at all during his transfer back to his bed. Gibbs looked at Ducky. "How did it go?"

"Quite well, actually. Three bleeds were cauterized. His blood pressure is looking remarkably better."

Gibbs let out a deep breath and was surprised when Lila took his hand and squeezed it. "Good news!"

He gently switched places with her so she could sit next to her son. "Please. He'll be so happy to see you."

She leaned over carefully and started stroking his smooth face. Tim turned into the hand, whispering, "Jethro."

Lila startled for a moment but then leaned in. "No silly, it's your mother. Jethro let me borrow you for a few minutes."

The twins to her eyes opened slowly. "Mom. Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me."

He raised his head. "Is Jethro here?"

Gibbs looked over Lila's shoulder. "Hey Timmy."

McGee smiled. "I feel good. I'm going to be fine."

Gibbs nodded and smiled. The door to the room opened and Leon Vance stood in the doorway with David McGee. Behind him, Gibbs could see a couple of Marines. The smile on his face faded. "Excuse me, I'll be right back."

Outside the door, he nodded at David McGee and they shook hands. "How's my boy?"

"He had a tough night, but he looks good this morning."

McGee sighed. "The Director brought some Marines. He wants to tell us about it together."

"What's going on, Leon?"

Leon pulled out a copy of the Washington Post and opened up the Metro section to a headline that said, "Hero fights for life as sabotaged is thwarted".

Gibbs frowned. "What the hell? We kept this out of the media."

"The U.S.S. Nautilus ships out today. The Navy decided to do a profile on how terrorism wasn't able to stop their mission. The captain gave an interview to the Post. Seems that he's still very grateful to McGee. Thought the world should know about him."

McGee looked at Vance. "You think this makes my son a target?"

"Listen to this: 'We sail today because of an NCIS agent who risked his life to save our ship. His name is Timothy McGee. His actions prove that we can handle anything that domestic terrorists can dish out. Currently, he is fighting for his life at Bethesda Naval Hospital while the saboteur, Wallace, sits in a comfortable Federal cell. Life isn't always fair, but McGee will always be tens time the man that a coward like Wallace ever will. These terrorists are like petulant children with their petty grievances, but we'll always win as long as we have honorable men like McGee on our side.'"

Gibbs shook his head. "I thought all interviews were supposed to go through the Media Information Division. This guy is daring disgruntled military personnel to prove their courage."

"It's bad alright. The Captain had just returned from Chief Engineer McDonald's funeral when he gave this interview."

"So now we have guards on Tim's door. He's got enough to deal with already," Gibbs said, anger palpable in his voice.

"We don't tell him," David said. "He can only concentrate on one fight at a time."

"What about the rest of them? Tim's going to know something is up. Lying to him is only going to create anxiety for him."

"I agree with Gibbs. The truth is that they are only here as a precaution. Sec Nav isn't going to let anything happen to his favorite NCIS agent."

David nodded. "You're right. He can take it."

"Come on, David, Leon. Tim's awake. He says he's feeling good."

Vance frowned. "Are you sure we can both go in? I thought they limited visitors in Intensive Care."

"Yeah, we're living on the edge these days, Leon. If it makes him happy, we're doing it, and I'm sure he'd like to see you."

…..

Gibbs arranged for himself, Ziva, and Tony to carry while in the hospital. The three of them rotated in Tim's room. While it was good to have trained MPs on the door, it felt even better to have people he trusted inside the room with Tim.

The next 36 hours were uneventful. Everyone was limited to an hour with Tim daily with the exception of Gibbs, Tony, and Ziva's presence as protection. Ducky came in and out at his own discretion, coordinating Tim's care with the doctors and nurses.

….

He was breathing too hard. Gibbs struggled to slow his breath, but his breath kept chugging in short bursts. He willed himself to slow, but it was as if his body had stopped responding to him. He threw his head back and his eyes snapped open. He looked around the dim room and he remembered he was in Tim's hospital room. He'd fallen asleep. He looked up at the wall and saw that it was midnight. Ducky was sleeping in a chair in the corner.

Because of the threat, Gibbs was now an agent before he was anything else and that meant that his sleeping was a sign of weakness. He cursed himself while he felt for his weapon, checked the windows, and then checked the guards at the door. Everything was secure. It was only then that he could go to Tim's side and look at the man for whom all of this was being done.

He was surprised when he found that Tim was the one breathing fast. When he bent over him, Tim's eyes flew open. Gibbs rested a hand on Tim's chest. "Are you okay, Timmy?"

"The pain is back…It's worse than before."

"Why didn't you say anything? I'll get help." Jethro turned to wake Ducky, but Tim grabbed his arm.

"I'm scared, Jethro."

Jethro looked up at the monitor. Tim's blood pressure was starting to drop. "You might need another procedure."

Tim shook his head. "I don't care. Please wait."

Jethro searched his face in confusion. "What is it?"

Tim swallowed, sweat beading on his brow. "They drug me when they do this, and I can't be sure that I'll ever wake up again…Please give me a few minutes. I never know if these minutes are my last."

"You're going to be okay."

Tim's grip on his arm tightened. "Don't do that, Jethro. Not this time. Neither one of us knows the truth about this."

Jethro leaned over and stroked his cheek. "I understand. I know you're scared, but I'm afraid to wait. If you make me wait, I'll have to live with the consequences."

"I just need a few minutes."

"Okay, Timmy. Just let me tell Ducky that he needs to get everything ready. Okay?"

Tim nodded reluctantly as Jethro detached himself and woke Ducky. The two men spoke to each other in whispers. Then Ducky came over and pulled back the blankets. He probed Tim's abdomen gently, and suddenly Tim threw his head back and let out a cry.

"You're bleeding into your large colon, Timothy. I'm sure of it."

Tim nodded, his eyes wet.

Ducky looked at Jethro. "We'll need to go in. There's a good chance he's hemorrhaging. The area is rigid. It's not a good sign. The two of you will have only a few minutes before he has to be prepped."

"Duck?"

Ducky shook his head and headed out of the room.

Tim continued to pant and he grasped for Jethro's hand. "You don't want good-byes. I get that…A sign of weakness…But I have things to say."

"Okay Timmy. I'm here." Jethro said softly.

"You know I love you…but do you know that these last few months have the most amazing time in my life?...It's been like a dream…I'm so grateful to you for teaching me about a love I never knew was possible…I've been so lucky…You believe that you're only this hard man, but you're not…You're beautiful and tender and filled with love…You don't know what a gift you are…and have been for me."

Jethro kissed him softly. "You're the gift, my love."

"Make sure they all know how deeply I carry them in my heart…My family knows, but make sure Tony knows and…Ziva…Abby…and Ducky. I've known such love."

Jethro nodded, staring into his eyes and stroking his face softly. "I hear you, Timmy. Now you listen to me. You will get better. I don't have to know; I only have to believe. And I believe in you. Do you hear me?"

Tim nodded, his eyelids drooping.

"Look at me. You are my love; you are my happiness. And you can't leave me now. I know you're tired, but you're tough and you'll keep fighting because you have to…for me…and your mom and your dad and Sarah and Tony and everyone else. Promise me, Timmy. Promise me."

The door flew open and nurses came in and surrounded the bed. Jethro was moved bodily while medical personnel hurried to transfer McGee to the gurney.

"Promise me, Timmy!" Jethro called but Tim's eyes had closed. One of the monitors beeped loudly.

"He's going into shock!"

Jethro backed up against the wall as they dispensed with procedures, piling IV's on the gurney. Staff stopped checking vitals and just rushed him out the door. He jogged after them, directing the MPs who seemed confused as to protocol. He followed until a nurse gently shook her head at him at the door to the surgery.

Ducky was there and put a hand on his arm, but Gibbs pulled away, rubbing at his eyes angrily. He looked around as if lost. Then he slammed his palm into the nearest wall and stalked off down the hallway.

….

He finally convinced himself to go into the chapel because it was best chance at being left alone. He sat down in a pew stiffly. It had been many decades since he'd graced the door of a church for any reason other than work. Gibbs wasn't sure of his belief in God. The presence of benevolent deity seemed counter to the cruelty and evil he so often witnessed. Even thinking about faith still angered him after the pain of losing Shannon and Kelly so many years ago.

Discomfort overwhelmed him and he got up to leave when he felt a presence. Startled, he turned to see Ziva in the pew behind him. He shook his head and sighed. "Ziva, what are you doing here?"

"I was already here. This has been my hiding place."

"A Catholic chapel for a Israeli Jew? They must have a temple in Bethesda somewhere."

Ziva nodded. "They do, but I met the priest for this chapel the other and we hit it off. He thought this chapel would benefit from some Hebrew prayers."

He looked at her oddly.

"What! They are all houses of God."

He sat down next to her. "Tim had to go in for another procedure. There's some concern he's hemorrhaging."

She nodded. "Ducky texted me. Tony is picking up Abby. They'll be here soon. Ducky went down to Lila McGee's room to wake her and David."

He looked down at his hands. "I should be the one doing that."

She rubbed his back with her hand. "You're scared, Gibbs."

"Which is how I ended up in a place where I don't belong."

She nodded. "The desperate man who only turns to God when there is no where else to go."

"I don't even know that I believe."

"That's okay," she whispered.

"I don't know how to pray. Being here is hypocrisy." He started to get up again, but she shook her head.

"Sit down, Gibbs."

Reluctantly, he complied.

She linked her arm through his. "God doesn't need promises or apologies. Just be here with me while I thank God for giving us Timothy McGee. God wants to know how much cherish our McGee."

Gibbs closed his eyes and nodded. Ziva began singing a prayer aloud. He didn't know Hebrew, but her voice was hauntingly beautiful, and it seemed appropriate to give thanks for the man who'd given him such love.

...

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

7

A/N: This chapter has a weird arc, and it may leave you feeling like this story is going to be interminable, but, trust me, there are only three chapters left. There is a rhyme and a reason to all of this. I hope you are still enjoying. I love hearing from you. Sheila

The Unbearable Lightness of Being McGee

Chapter 9

As they all sat in the waiting room, Gibbs appreciated that no one tried to approach with simplistic platitudes about how everything was going to be okay. They seemed to understand how important it was to honor the gravity of the situation. It made him realize how important it had been to let Tim talk in those last few minutes without interrupting or assuring him that there was no reason to worry.

Fornell seemed to be on somebody's speed dial because again he showed up and sat down next to Gibbs with a large cup of dark coffee. The two men hardly exchanged greetings until Gibbs remembered the other threat to McGee's life. "You've been monitoring reactions to the Post article?"

Tobias nodded. "Oh yeah!"

Gibbs sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "What's the latest?"

"Well, our monitoring of chat rooms tells us that some of the whack jobs are feeling misunderstood, of course. And there was someone we detained down in the hospital lobby a few hours ago."

"What!" Gibbs stood. Everyone around them looked up.

Tony and Ziva walked over. "What's going on, Boss?"

"What the hell, Tobias?"

"Calm down, people. He's a guy from a watch list we had. We didn't find anything on him. He said he just wanted to talk to McGee and explain why some military personnel are angry with the Navy. Seemed to think McGee would benefit from his perspective. We've detained him and explained that ain't nobody want to hear his sad story right now especially when a guy like McGee is fighting for his life."

"You sure he's harmless?" Tony asked.

"Well, he's in custody now, and we found a couple of outstanding warrants so we're going to keep him until we're able to really check him out."

"You should've told me," Gibbs growled.

"I just did. Get over it, Jethro. We were able to handle him without you. It's amazing how often that happens. You got a lot on your plate right now."

Gibbs shook his head. "Don't keep me out of the loop."

"Sit down, Jethro. Just relax. If you needed to be there, I would made sure you were there.""

"I want to talk to him," Tony said.

Fornell nodded. "Yeah, let's send DiNozzo and David in. They can vet him for you. Okay?"

Ziva nodded. "We got it, Gibbs."

Gibbs nodded. "Wear him out. You hear me? I want to know if there's anything wrong with this guy."

…

Two hours later, Ducky walked out with the surgeon. Everyone stiffened.

Ducky smiled. "Timothy made it through the surgery. It was a very serious hemorrhage, but he hung in there."

There were smiles all around. Fornell patted Gibbs on the back.

David McGee nodded. "Does it look good?"

The surgeon sighed. "The next 24 hours are key. Tim's going to need to be in critical care. No visitors other than his wife and parents. It's very delicate time."

Everyone was silent and the surgeon turned to leave. David McGee stood up. "Doctor, one point of clarification. My son doesn't have a wife. He has a partner. His name is Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Please make sure that medical personnel understand this and include him regarding all medical decisions."

The surgeon nodded. "I shouldn't have made an assumption. I'll make sure the chart is clear on this."

"Hey," David said, "after saving Tim's life, you can make just about any assumptions you want."

It broke the tension and everyone laughed. After the surgeon left, Gibbs looked over at David McGee and mouthed his thanks.

…..

"Hey baby boy." He heard when he opened his eyes. His mother was leaning over him smiling. He tried a smile but his face seemed too tired for much movement. He looked around the room but saw no one else.

"Are you looking for Jethro?"

He nodded.

"I sent him to bed a couple of hours ago. He wanted to stay but he was dead on his feet. He's pretty remarkable, you know. I'm not sure I can understand the connection the two of you have, but I can't question your feelings for one another. I'm convinced he would do anything for you."

He spoke slowly. "I love him, Mom."

"I think the two of you have something quite rare."

His face started to cloud. "I worry."

"Why?"

"This is too much…It will Wear him out. He gives and gives…I only take."

She smoothed back his head. "You're fighting for your life, sweetie."

"The fight…is too long. It…never ends. Too hard on him."

She shook her head. "Not if this is real, it isn't."

"Lila." Both McGees turned their heads to the door. Gibbs was leaning against the doorway. "Mind if I take this one?"

She got up as if to leave, but he motioned for her to stay seated. He walked over to the other side of the bed. "Would you give up if it was me in this bed?"

Tim looked up at him and shook his head.

"I've had 8 years of giving from you. Let me return the favor."

"This never seems to end…Jethro. Too hard on you."

He smiled. "Are you kidding? Every time you wake up, it's a victory. I want to be a part of every one of those. I know how hard you're fighting and I know you're doing it for all of us. You're giving back plenty, Timmy."

"Well said," Lila declared.

Jethro reached over and stroked his hair. "You're not getting rid of me. Not going to happen."

Tim managed a grin, and Lila could feel the emotion of it deep inside her. She stood. "I need a little break. Watch over my boy for me, Jethro."

They were too engrossed with one another to notice when she closed the door behind her.

….

Gibbs took a bite of his egg sandwich and set it down.

DiNozzo looked at it oddly. "That looks almost good, Boss. It's a hospital cafeteria. How did you find something tasty here?"

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "You got to know the right people. Consuela works 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. You tell her how pretty she looks and she'll make ya' anything you want."

"Too bad McGee is getting out of here tomorrow. I could have used a hook up like that."

Jethro cocked his head. "You sorry he's getting better? He should start bleeding again?"

"No!" Tony said so emphatically that Ziva burst into laughter.

"I just meant…I wasn't saying…I would never…"

"Hey Tony, I'm just messing with ya'."

Ziva smiled. "It's nice to see you so relaxed."

"It's been a rough six days, but today is the second day in a row his CAT scan was clean. It's looking good."

"Good to hear."

"I'm going back to work tomorrow. Talked to Vance. We're on the investigation full time now."

Ziva frowned. "What about McGee? You should be home with him."

Gibbs grinned out of one side of his mouth. "He won't have it. Seems to think it's a biological imperative that I'm out in the field. Says my true nature is being denied. Ducky's taking a leave for a few weeks. He's going to stay at the house. He says he wants to work on an article and McGee would be a perfect editor. So I gave in. Tired of arguing with him about it."

"It's clear who wears the pants in this relationship."

"Actually most nights neither of us is wearing pants, DiNozzo."

"Oh God, Boss!" Tony groaned. "Too much information, man."

Ziva patted Gibbs on the back. "Pay no attention to him. I, for one, am happy to see you in such good spirits."

…..

"Score!" Gibbs pumped a fist in the air. McGee looked up from his laptop just in time to see the instant replay. Mauer hit a homerun into the bleachers.

"How long have you been a Minnesota Twins fan?" He said.

"I don't know. They're an honest ball team. They don't get wins based on inflated salaries and egos. I just like 'em."

Tim nodded, snuggling up against Jethro. "Just remember that Ducky's sleeping upstairs. Don't wake him up with all of your celebrating."

"Oh, I forgot."

"It's nice to just sit here with you, watching a ball game."

Jethro snaked an arm around his shoulders. He looked into McGee's eyes and leaned in to kiss him lightly. "It's very nice."

Tim looked down for a moment. "Started having a bit of pain again today."

"What!"

"I didn't hide it. Talked to Ducky. We went in to see the doc and had a scan done. Everything looks good, but we have to monitor it. Could've called you but you were working…and this thing is…getting a little boring for all of us. Since there wasn't anything on the scan, I thought I'd wait to tell you until you got home."

Jethro sighed. "I got to trust you, Tim."

"You can. Honestly, I think you would have done the same in my shoes."

Jethro searched his eyes for a moment and the nodded. "Okay so we have to monitor it then."

"I think we still have a long road ahead."

Jethro leaned in. "You don't need to worry about my commitment. I'm not going anywhere."

Tim blinked. "Like a man with an obligation?"

"No, Timmy…like a man deeply in love."

McGee nestled his face into Gibbs' neck. "I wouldn't have lasted this long without you."

"Don't forget how you've brought me back to life these last few months."

Tim slipped a hand under Gibbs' shirt, lightly massaging his furry chest. "They accept us, but I see the looks. Nobody really understands how two men, as different as you and I, fit together so effortlessly."

"Does it matter if they get it?"

Tim lifted his head and looked at Jethro. "No, it doesn't."

Gibbs pulled Tim's legs across his lap and stared into his lover's eyes. "Wanna' make out?"

Tim's hand on Gibbs' chest found a nipple and he twisted it playfully. Gibbs groaned. Tim took that moment to lean in and capture Gibbs' mouth with a deep, probing kiss.

….

It was two nights later at 3 in the morning that McGee knew exactly what the next CAT scan was going to show. The pain was bad, coming in waves, and when he tried to get out of bed, his legs couldn't hold him and he tumbled to the floor. It was only a couple of seconds before Jethro was scrambling across the bed and beside him. "Timmy? How bad?"

Breathing in short bursts, McGee looked up. "Get Duck…and an ambulance."

….

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Two more chapters to go! It took me forever to visualize this. I wanted whumpage but without excessive clichés. I hope Gibbs and McGee's voices are still in character. I would love to hear what you think. Sheila

The Unbearable Lightness of Being McGee

Chapter 10

"You're not going anywhere! I swear to God, Tim! I won't allow it!"

"You're not listening, Jethro!" Tim sat at the edge of his hospital bed in his street clothes. "I can't do this anymore. I'm not staying another day."

"This is stupid!" Gibbs' face was red. "You stay here until your organ systems have strengthened and you live. You go home and you die."

Tim shook his head. His face was gaunt and shadows lived permanently under his tired eyes. "No more. There's nothing left to be done. I have been in and out of this hospital for the last four weeks. I'm not staying another minute."

"Exactly! The mistake has been taking you home. You stay here and you live."

"I stay here and I die!" McGee spat out angrily.

"I don't want to hear that you're giving up. I don't want to hear it." Gibbs folded his arms and looked away.

Tim leaned forward. "Jethro, going home is not giving up. I just want to be with friends and family. I want to see my dog and eat what I want. I want to talk a walk and feel the sun."

Gibbs pointed a finger. "Because you think you're dying. You've given up."

"There's nothing left to do," Tim said in a whisper. "There is no treatment left for me. I have so much transfused blood in me that I'm taking anti-rejection drugs. My body can't handle another invasive procedure. Do you not listen to the doctor when he talks?"

"If you start bleeding again and it doesn't stop, you'll die."

"I know," Tim said softly. "But I'm not staying in a hospital bed waiting for the inevitable."

Gibbs came over and sat beside McGee, turning his face toward him. "I can't lose another person I love, especially not you. I need you to fight."

Tim stroked Jethro's arm. "Going home is not giving up."

Jethro shook his head. "It is to me and I won't allow it."

"I know. Ducky's invited me to stay at his home for the time being."

"No, Tim."

"I'm sorry, Jethro. I can't fight about this anymore. I'm leaving the hospital and I need to be some place where my reasons are understood. I need to rest. I want to be with you, but the expectations you have and all of the fighting takes too much out of me."

Jethro's eyes searched his. "You won't stay here for me."

"And you won't let me leave…for me."

Jethro let go of McGee and shook his head. "I don't know what to say anymore."

"Jethro."

Gibbs stopped at the door and turned around.

Tim took a breath. "I love you as deeply now as I ever have."

"Show me. Stay here, Tim," Jethro said simply. When McGee didn't respond, he shook his head and left.

….

Jethro Gibbs and Ducky Mallard had disagreed from time to time during their many years as friends. In fact, there was a time not so many years ago, when Ducky refused to talk to Jethro as a friend for almost six months. They were both fierce and stubborn men, but their shared beliefs in justice had always trumped their disagreements. Ducky thought about that as they both waited to meet with McGee's doctor. Gibbs sat across from him, refusing to even acknowledge his presence. Ducky knew that if the decision to bring McGee home went bad, he was going to lose the most important friendship he'd ever had.

The doctor opened his door and beckoned them in. Ducky took a seat and waited. Jethro's rage would have to take a front seat. The doctor sat down too, but Gibbs stayed on his feet as if ready to pounce.

"I understand, Mr. Gibbs, that you're upset about Tim's decision to leave the hospital," the doctor said.

"It's irresponsible," Gibbs said sharply. "And I thought I could talk him out of it until I found out that Dr. Mallard is enabling this fool idea by bringing him into his home."

The doctor sighed. "Keeping Tim inpatient makes a lot of sense. However, bringing him home makes even better sense."

Gibbs grimaced. "What the hell does that mean!"

"There's nothing left to do for him, Mr. Gibbs. He can't take another transfusion. He's had too many invasive procedures. Surgeons won't risk another. Dr. Mallard has agreed to administer a liquid diet and medications. He assures me that he can be there with Tim 24 hours a day. Plus, Tim can spend time with friends and family."

"It's not the same as a hospital."

"No, it isn't. But for Tim right now, I would wager that it's a hundred times better than a hospital."

"What!"

Ducky looked at Gibbs. "Jethro, the hospital room is suffocating him. He's trapped. Let him be the man he wants to be."

Gibbs glared at Ducky. "This is what happens to people who have cancer and treatment is stopped. They go home to die. You're sending him home to die, Ducky."

Neither doctor said anything for a moment.

Ducky spoke slowly. "Whatever comes next for Timothy depends on his body, not medical science."

"I'll never forgive you if he dies because of this."

Ducky looked at Gibbs, his grey eyes watering. "And I'll never forgive myself if I deny Timothy this request because I am afraid of angering you."

"You've given up on him. You're sure he's going to die."

Ducky sprang up out of his chair and advanced on Gibbs. "I don't think any such thing! I'm not bringing him home to die; I'm bringing him home to live. God willing, his body will strengthen. I have not given up, Jethro. I just know that the outcome is out of our hands."

All of a sudden, the rage seemed to drain out of Gibbs. He dropped his arms to his side. "He woke my heart, Duck. Can't you understand that?"

Ducky nodded, putting his hands on Jethro's shoulders. " I do. Watching the two of you discover each other has been both beautiful and touching, but you need to let him have the freedom to live as he chooses."

"It feels wrong to me."

"Jethro, you are forever charging up hills. To you, it looks like Timothy is in retreat, but he isn't. He has settled in to wait it out. Surely, you can see that this can be as valuable a maneuver as soldiering on…especially when a man needs to catch his breath."

Jethro pulled away. "Depends on how close the enemy is, Duck. I don't want to fight about this anymore. Take him home. I'll give him space. Stressing him out with my presence will only lead to a bad outcome."

"He still needs you."

Jethro stopped at the door. "Actually, I might be exactly the last thing he needs right now."

….

Jethro Junior lay on his side on the front while Jethro rubbed his belly rhythmically. He'd grown attached to the old shepherd. He was such solemn dog, but so loyal and intelligent. His brown eyes followed Tim everywhere when he was here. In recent weeks, he'd noticed that the dog's eyes followed him now too. He enjoyed clipping on the leash and seeing the dog spring to life, panting and tail wagging. He liked walking down the street with this majestic beast. He liked it when Junior ignored other dogs who leapt at their gates as they passed, barking frantically. He felt proud whenever someone stopped to ask where he got such a beautiful animal. Most of all, he loved watching Junior settle on the couch against McGee's thigh in the evening, sighing his contentment every few minutes. McGee was forever reaching over to massage an ear or scratch him under his chin.

When DiNozzo pulled up in front of the house, Gibbs knew he was coming for the dog. Gibbs got up slowly and headed in to gather up his food, leash, and bones. When he got back, Tony was sitting on the porch, scratching Junior's ears absently. He looked up. "I wish you'd bring the dog over to Ducky's yourself."

Gibbs sat down on the steps. "Not ready to, I guess."

"McGee needs you, Boss."

"Yeah, Tony…I need him too. How is he?"

"Ducky says he had a good day. I left him sitting on the back porch on the swing. He doesn't do much; he just sort of stares at the garden most of the time. Everyone's been there today. Lila McGee is sleeping there. She fusses in the kitchen making things he can't eat, but it keeps her busy. Abby wanted to come over here and drag you out of your house, but I told her that you needed space."

Gibbs chuckled. "Thanks for that."

Tony studied him. "You worried he's dying."

Gibbs closed his eyes. "I'm pushing too hard, expecting too much. I'm too afraid to be much use to him right now."

"That's weird, you know. You need him and he needs you, but neither one of you is going to do a damn thing about it."

"Did you ever feel like you were with somebody who deserved better than you were capable of giving?"

Tony looked up at the sky and groaned. "Are you kidding? Why do you think I'm not married? The minute I fall in love, I know I'll disappoint them. I know they deserve better. It's a frickin' Catch-22."

"Well, I think I might have you beat when it comes to being a bastard."

"McGee knows who you are. He accepts all of it. He makes you a better man."

Gibbs stared at him. "I'm sorry I asked."

Tony licked his lip. "Got it, Boss."

"Did you talk to Fornell about any more internet chatter?"

"He says that talk about McGee has calmed considerably. In fact, it has sort of dropped off a cliff."

Gibbs looked at him sharply. "That abruptly, huh?"

"Fornell says he sees it happen this way sometimes before there's some kind of strike."

"Does he think its McGee?"

Tony shrugged. "We talked about it for awhile. I just don't see McGee as that important of a target. If I want to bomb something, I want to do the most damage. Maybe, I go on one of the battleships they use for tours, and see how many civilians I could take out."

"I see what you mean, but there's something about McGee that keeps me worried. He's a symbol of American patriotism. He's the brave, young soldier willing to die for his country. His selflessness going into that containment chamber overshadowed Wallace's act."

"He's not a soldier though. He's a cop."

Gibbs shook his head. "Nothing I read makes that distinction. So far, the media has respected Sec Nav's request to stay back, but that hasn't stopped the editorials or the commentaries. America needs a hero right now."

Tony screwed up his face. "McGee would hate to be in the spotlight like that."

"Yeah, he would. But if he makes it to the awards ceremony Sec Nav plans to have in two months, he might not have a choice. If domestic terrorists hate him now, they'll be rabid for him then."

"We got to get those bastards."

Gibbs got up and handed DiNozzo the bag with his stuff. "Better take Junior now. I want Tim to be able to spend time with him before he falls asleep tonight. The dog's been missing him."

Tony looked at him for a long moment but said nothing. He took the bag and tugged on the leash. The dog followed for a few steps and then stopped, looking back at Gibbs. He gave a small whimper.

"Go on now!" Gibbs shooed him.

The dog stopped pulling and reluctantly followed Tony down the walk.

…..

It was two days later during the time of day when the sky turns to dusk that Jethro Gibbs finally walked onto Ducky's property. He didn't climb the front porch. Instead, he walked around the house, admiring the flowers Ducky nurtured so tirelessly. The back of Ducky's property bordered on a nature preserve. The pink sky melted into the reeds of the swamp nestled in the preserve with herons calling out to a background of the gentle motoring sounds of insects and frogs.

He could see the back of McGee's head in an Adirondack chair looking out on the swamp. There was a dark head in the chair beside his, and at first, he thought it was Ziva, but then Sarah McGee popped her head up and spotted him. She said something to Tim and then rounded the chair, heading toward him. He remembered Sarah as a rather fierce customer, and anticipated some anger at his abandonment of her brother, but he was surprised when she sailed into his arms and kissed him on the cheek. "He's been waiting for you," she said as she disengaged and headed up toward the house.

Gibbs swallowed his fear as he approached the chairs. McGee looked up at him, watching as he sat down in the empty chair. Jethro cleared his throat. "I came to check on you."

"I'm doing okay."

"Pain?" Gibbs was surprised to see that the circles under Tim's eyes had faded considerably.

"Some. I don't panic though. I take a pill and wait it out."

"Been back to the hospital?"

McGee stiffened. "No need to go."

Jethro nodded. "Where's Junior?"

Tim smiled. "He took off after a porcupine yesterday. Vet had to pull out 8 quills. He's resting inside with a swollen nose and a bruised ego."

"Your mother came to visit me at work today."

Tim's smile faded. "I wondered where she went earlier. You must be under orders to be here."

"No, there were no orders. She just wanted to update me on your progress. It was…a kind thing to do."

"I haven't given up."

"I can see that, Timmy."

McGee relaxed at the use of his pet name. "I missed you."

Jethro took McGee's hand and brought the back of it to his mouth. He kissed it lightly. "I love you very much."

McGee bit his lip and nodded.

"I think I burned out a little. I let the fear take over."

"You had to deal with so much, Jethro."

He shook his head. "Don't be too generous, Tim. I might be stressed, but some of this is who I am. I push. My expectations for people are astronomically high. I'm impatient, angry. You know this from working with me, but it's often who I am personally too. In some ways, I suppose the honeymoon is over and the real Leroy Jethro Gibbs is left standing."

"I see," Tim said, nodding slowly. "Is this supposed to scare me away? Is it designed to test me to see if I'll hang in there? Or are you pushing me away because I got too close?"

"I don't know," he said, staring out at the fading sunset. "My own motivations are not always clear to me."

Tim sighed impatiently. "Then what the hell are you doing here?"

Jethro looked down at the grass. "You bring me happiness and love, Timmy. I want that. I want you. Yet none of that stops me from being the world's most notorious saboteur of relationships. I don't trust myself."

Tim got up slowly, weakness still apparent in his limbs. Then he knelt down in front of Gibbs, running his hands up the outsides of his thighs. "Look at me, Jethro."

The worried blue eyes fixed on him.

"We belong together. We both know that. I can see it in your eyes when you look at me. What we have is impossible to define. It's unique and it's special and it's beautiful. And it's more than just sexual attraction. We're good for one another. I'm what you need and you're what I need. Do you hear me?"

"Am I really good for you?" Jethro whispered.

Tim's eyes seemed luminescent against the setting sun. "You're scared and you're tired, and you've let demons take hold inside you. These demons want you to close down again. They want you to run away from love because it's all consuming. It brings you joy and it brings you pain. It's never neutral. Maybe going back to being lonely is safer…more comfortable for you. I don't know. All I know is that I can't fight these demons for you. You have to decide if you can do this."

"I thought I was supposed to be the wise one."

Tim leaned his forehead against Jethro's knee and closed his eyes. Jethro reached over and pulled McGee to his feet. He stood up with him and held him tightly. For a while, neither of them moved. Then Tim whispered. " Go home, Jethro, until you're ready to be with me."

When Jethro stepped away, he turned and said, "I'm not sure I'm the person you deserve."

Tim shook his head and went back to his chair.

…

She was angry. She knew the importance of anger. Her daddy had always told that righteous anger had fueled every important change in the world; every revolution ever conceived was based on outrage. She was also terribly afraid. Her daddy had never schooled her much about fear. She knew it disgusted him so she rarely admitted it.

It was a hot summer morning, and she hated that she was forced to wear her thick white winter cardigan. She longed to take it off, but that was impossible. A lot of things were impossible now. Her daddy had left her with only one path left to travel. She stayed low in the bushes watching the house from a distance. A blue sedan cruised by for the second time. That was her brother, Errol. He was supposed to get the attention of the agents in the car in front of the house. It must've worked because an agent jumped out of the car, watching Errol drive off, and talking into a cell phone. Then a black pickup approached from the opposite direction. This was cousin Stan. She remembered that daddy told him to let his shotgun sit on the dashboard as he passed. Now the other agent was out of the car, pointing a gun at Stan's pickup, yelling. As instructed, Stan did a u-turn and gunned the motor at the two agents. They both had their weapons drawn, shooting at him as he barreled past. Daddy had rigged up a video camera and monitor so Stan could slouch below the dashboard and still see the road.

The two agents chased him down the block, shouting and shooting. Evie knew this was her moment. She was scared, but disappointing daddy was not an option. She leapt out of the bushes and scrambled up the sidewalk. She turned to look and the agents were at the end of the block, screaming into their cell phones. Even if they looked back at the house, all they would see was a short, dumpy girl taking a walk.

Daddy told her she had to be confident. He said she couldn't hesitate for even a moment. Confidence was something she knew nothing about, but she had to fake it for daddy and for the honor of the family. At the door to the house, she remembered the control in her pocket. She pulled it out, her finger on the button. She heard screaming again, and the agents had spotted her. They were running toward her, weapons drawn. It sucked the breath out of her, and she pulled on the front door without even knocking. Surprisingly, it opened, and she found herself in a rather elegant home with tall ceilings.

"Stay right where you are!"

She turned and saw a tall, thin man with a gun. Behind him were an older man and a woman.

"Put your hands up!"

She didn't move. She was finally in the presence of the monster that had destroyed her brother's life.

"Put your hands up!"

She teared up. "I'm scared!"

"Tim, she's just a kid. Probably got scared when the shooting started and ran into the first home she saw."

The man turned his head sharply. "Stay back, Mom!"

Evie started to tremble. She remembered Daddy saying that if the button got too sweaty, it might go off before she was ready. She didn't know what to do.

"What's your name?"

The tall man seemed less threatening now. She noticed that he had large green eyes. It reminded her of her second cousin from Kentucky.

"I'm Evie," she said as her body started to relax.

Just as he was going to ask another question, an agent barreled through the front door, gun drawn. "On the ground!" He barked.

Startled, she put her hands up, the controller evident in her palm. Everyone froze.

"Parker, stand down. I got this," said the thin man. "Evie, what do you have there?"

She lowered one hand and unbuttoned her cardigan like daddy showed her. Wires and explosives were taped tightly to her chest.

"Evie, what are you doing?"

She looked at him, trembling. "I'm supposed to talk to the McGee. Daddy's orders."

"I'm right here."

She narrowed her eyes. She had pictured him to be someone darker and bigger. He had been a monster in her dreams. Then she remembered how daddy told her to play this. She repeated what he told her word for word. "I have enough explosive here to take out half a city block. If you kill me, you all die."

The woman gasped and the older man put his arm around her.

"So you want to talk to me then."

She nodded. "You're my mission."

"You don't need these other folks then."

That idea confused her. Daddy had been adamant that she was to do as much damage as possible. He claimed that they were all responsible for putting her brother in Federal prison. Yet, killing everyone felt so wrong to her.

"Evie, how about we let these folks go and you and I can sit down and talk."

It seemed reasonable to her and she nodded.

Agent Parker shook his head. "My orders are to stay with you."

McGee looked at him sharply. "I'm better trained and more experienced than you are. Extra bodies are trouble. Remember your hostage training."

"Timothy, I should stay."

"Stop! Nobody argues! I'm the best trained to do this. She wants to talk to me, and we all know that I have the least to lose here. So I need you all out of here before Evie changes her mind. Now!"

"Tim!"

He looked at her, his expression softening. "It's okay, Mom. Ducky is going to take you out of here now. It's going to be fine."

Evie watched as the three of them rushed out the door. Tim waited until they were gone. "Who's your daddy, Evie?"

"Everett Wallace."

He sighed. "Then former Chief Petty Officer Wallace must be your brother."

She nodded.

"And your mission?"

"To kill you."

"Your father strapped explosives to your body and sent you out on a suicide mission?"

"Daddy says I have to be a martyr, but martyrs don't necessarily die, do they?"

"Your father told you that you'd get out of this alive?"

She nodded. "If I did everything correctly."

"Evie, sit down and talk to me for a moment."

It seemed easy to follow him into the parlor and sit down. He was a lot nicer than she thought he'd be. She sat on a fancy couch and he sat across from her. "Evie, how will you be okay if you ignite the explosives?"

She frowned. He was bringing up a question that had haunted her as well. "Daddy told me that I was wearing a special vest that will protect me."

"Evie, do you go to school?"

She looked at him warily. She recognized this sort of question. He wanted to know if she was dumb. Everyone did. Just because she couldn't learn in school didn't mean she couldn't be smart in other ways. Daddy once told her she was a smart housekeeper. "You just want to know if I'm dumb, but I'm not."

"I'm sorry, Evie. It was a dumb question." He made sure to use her name as often as possible. She would feel more at ease with him the more he acted like a friend.

"That's okay," she replied. He didn't remind her of her second cousin anymore. Now, he reminded her of the special ed. teacher she had in 3rd grade, the one that was so kind to her.

"Evie, I'm scared that if you push the button, you'll get hurt too."

She frowned. "Daddy says you'll try to talk me out of killing you."

He nodded. "Well, Evie, I'm very sick. Maybe your daddy told you that. If you kill me now, it won't matter that much 'cause I'm going to die pretty soon anyway."

….

"What the hell is he doing?" DiNozzo yelled. McGee was broadcasting his entire conversation with the girl over his cell phone. Tony and Ziva had just reached the command post the FBI set up outside of the Mallard home.

"He's establishing rapport, DiNozzo, and doing a damn good job of it too." Fornell was agitated. His agents had screwed up and now they were living out the worst case scenario. The bomb squad was on the way, and the command post was still too close to the house.

Ziva was busy on a laptop. "Everett Wallace is a retired Navy seaman. He was in for almost twenty years. Was diligent but unremarkable."

Fornell barked. "Can you find anything on Evie? She sounds like she might have some developmental delays. Don't know if she has the kind of reasoning skills she needs to negotiate."

Ziva bent over the laptop again.

"Bastard straps bombs on his disabled daughter. Frickin' unbelievable!"

"Shut up, DiNozzo and listen!"

The sound McGee was broadcasting wasn't sharp but they could still make it out. "Did your daddy have a plan in case you found out that I wasn't a monster?"

"No, but daddy said you would be tricky."

"So I might pretend to be nice but really be a mean guy."

"Yeah."

"Do you know how to tell the difference, Evie?"

There was a silence. Fornell shook his head. "Good question, Tim. I've tried to poach that boy in the past. If he gets out of this, I'm going after him big time. McGee belongs at the FBI."

"Over my dead body," Tony muttered.

A car screeched to a halt, and they turned to see Gibbs running toward them. Fornell stepped out to meet him. "He's in there with the bomber."

Gibbs nodded, breathing hard.

"Tim has his cell on speaker. We're monitoring the conversation here."

"What do we know about her?"

"She's the sister of Wallace. Apparently, this circus is all being facilitated by Wallace's father. We never identified him as a threat. He'd cooperated with us fully after Wallace's arrest. She appears to have some cognitive delays. She's pretty scared right now. McGee is trying to talk to her, but we have no idea if she's going to respond to reason."

"He's good at this, Tobias. He once convinced a roomful of desperate convicts to let him investigate a murder. He even earned their trust."

Fornell nodded. "I know. He's been doing an excellent job with her."

Jethro nodded. "I'm going in, Tobias."

He shook his head. "We don't need to spook her."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he said as he strode toward the house.

Fornell ran after him, grabbing his shoulder. "No!"

Gibbs spun around and pulled away. "Tim McGee is my life, Tobias. We come out of this together or not at all."

Tony and Ziva came running after them. Gibbs put a finger to his mouth and stopped them in their tracks. Then he slowly shook his head. Turning, he trotted up to the door of Ducky's home.

…

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

12

A/N: This story has come to an end. I thought I would have two chapters left, but found that I only needed one. The ending is meant to be beautiful but a little bittersweet. I hope that it makes sense that McGee's life can't be what it was based on the events of the story. Thank you to every one who has followed this story. Let me know what you think about how this ends. Sheila

The Unbearable Lightness of Being McGee

Chapter 11

Tim sat leaning forward, his hands clasped tightly together to belay any trembling in his limbs. She was a frightened girl who seemed to be in way over her head as to the task she'd been given. It was clear that she was a pawn in her father's game, and the truth of it left him speechless. It was abuse on a level he'd never imagined. "Evie, maybe we should call your dad and clarify things. I bet he thought I was someone else."

The idea appealed to her and she nodded.

"Do you have a cell phone with you?"

She shook her head. McGee licked the perspiration off his upper lip. He did have a cell phone, but he was using it to broadcast to the FBI. Breaking that link wasn't a good idea. He heard a sound at the front door and his head jerked in that direction. Evie sucked in breath. He turned back to her. "Stay calm, Evie. I think this is a friend. I'll make sure he doesn't bother us. Don't move."

McGee got up and slowing moved into the entryway. Gibbs was standing there. McGee winced. He stayed at the doorway to the parlor so he could keep an eye on Evie. "Go away. You can't help."

"We do this together."

He stood there like a statue and a swell of anger rose up in McGee. "I don't need you, Jethro!"

"You're not disposable!"

McGee shook his head in frustration. "No time to argue!"

"Agreed." Gibb strode past him. "Introduce me to Evie."

The girl stared at Gibbs wide-eyed when he walked in the parlor.

Tim had no choice but to follow him in. McGee crouched near Evie. "It's okay. Jethro here is my friend. He wants to help."

"I'm supposed to push the button. Daddy will be so mad if I don't push the button."

Gibbs knelt down in front of her. "Somebody gave your daddy the wrong information. McGee is not the guy who put your brother in jail."

"Daddy doesn't make mistakes."

"Would he want you to get hurt?"

Evie stared at him and then slowly shook her head. "I take care of him. I cook and I clean."

"Exactly! He wants you safe. And he's going to want to know that someone lied to him about McGee."

She nodded.

"Evie, can you give me the control in your hand?"

She seemed hypnotized by Gibbs' soft voice and piercing blue eyes. Slowly, she reached for him and offered no resistance when he lightly picked it from her palm.

McGee sighed deeply.

"Tim, you better check out the charges strapped to her."

He moved forward, sitting next to Evie. "Hold still, honey. I just want to see how we're going to get this off of you."

Gibbs sat back and pulled out his cell. "Hey Tobias, she gave up the trigger. Your people can come in."

Before he could hang up, McGee's head snapped up. "Jethro, it's still primed."

Gibbs cursed. "Stand down, Tobias! It's still primed to explode."

"_Then get out of there, Jethro! Bomb squad is here. They'll take over."_

Gibbs looked at McGee. "Get up, Tim, and move toward the door. Bomb squad's taking over."

Tim shook his head. "I'm not leaving her. She's scared to death. The ordinance suits are going to scare her."

"Don't be stubborn!"

"Learned from the best," he mumbled as he studied the wires.

"McGee!"

Tim turned sharply. "Find scissors. I think we can cut this off without detonating it."

Gibbs got up just as two members of the bomb squad came in wearing moon suits and carrying equipment. "We need cutters!"

One of the moon suits stopped in front of them. "Both of you out. Now!"

"Cutters!" Gibbs insisted.

The other suit went up to Evie and she started moaning in fear. Tim rubbed her arm. "It's okay, honey. They just want to get this off you."

She clutched McGee's arm tightly as he showed ordinance expert where they could cut the vest. The expert nodded and handed the cutters to McGee. He wasn't bomb squad, but he could certainly cut with a lot more mobility that a man dressed in an ordinance suit. McGee licked his lips, taking it slow as he cut in and around wires. Around him, no one spoke. Even Evie stopped whimpering. McGee made a final cut and the vest started to slide down her chest. Gibbs was there to help him catch it. Together, they carefully slid it off Evie's torso. Once it was free, one of the suits was there with a metal box. Gibbs laid the vest inside, and the box was closed. The suit disappeared quickly out the door.

Evie still clung to McGee as FBI and NCIS swarmed Ducky's parlor. It was only when McGee spied Fornell that he felt assured that she would be treated gently. DiNozzo came in, shook his head at McGee, and simulated a head slap. Then Ziva came over, kissed him on the forehead, and wagged a finger at him, all without saying a word.

Within a few minutes, the house was empty again, save Tim on the couch and Gibbs standing in the doorway to parlor. "Please Jethro, this is no time for a scolding."

Gibbs sighed. "I don't want you acting invincible. That's my shtick, Timmy."

"Yeah," he nodded. "Like I said earlier, I learned from the best."

Jethro shook his head. "I don't know what to say. You're getting better, and my feelings for you haven't changed, but it's like I don't know how to talk to you anymore."

Tim got up, exhaustion etched on his face. "It's not your fault. It's mine. I've changed. It's all of these weeks of uncertainty and fear. I'm tougher, more stubborn."

"We're butting heads constantly."

McGee touched his arm. "Don't be so afraid of it, Jethro."

"I'm not sure what to do."

McGee leaned in. "Right now, I need you to go out and find Everett Wallace and destroy him for what he did to his daughter. Nobody can make that happen like you can."

"And you?"

"I'm going to stay here and get strong, and start acting like a man who's got a future in front of him."

Jethro narrowed his eyes as he studied him. Finally, he just nodded and headed out the door.

….

Evie's brother Errol got stopped within the first hour, her cousin was already in custody, and Everett Wallace got stopped at the Tennessee border four hours after a bomb was removed from his daughter's chest. All of them were dragged into NCIS for interrogation. Gibbs and Fornell double-teamed them. Some men shoot birds for sport, but Gibbs and Fornell were in their glory when breaking stupid and evil men. It wasn't a real challenge; it was a bit like shooting fish in a barrel. The only one with any real intelligence was Everett Wallace, but his idiot son and nephew quickly abdicated in interrogation. Gibbs had allowed DiNozzo to prime them with his absurd and nonsensical interrogation style, and by the time, Gibbs and Fornell showed up, the two fools were dying to provide a rational version of events.

Once cornered, Wallace started naming names, and by day three, they had six more suspects in custody; all of whom shared both Wallace's feelings about the Navy and his interest in munitions. DiNozzo and Ziva directed search teams out in the field while Gibbs and Fornell pounded at the men verbally.

Gibbs never went home during that five days. Developments came too fast, and he was overwhelmed with a desire to destroy this domestic terrorism cell. At odd hours, he slept on Abby's futon. He ate out of vending machines or when Tony and Ziva shoved sandwiches into his hands.

Gibbs could've gone home. They continually urged him, but he couldn't tell them that the house felt empty without Tim there, and he had no certainty that this would ever be rectified. McGee was changing. He understood that, but he had no idea what that meant for him. In the past, conversations like that generally led to wives packing their bags and hiring lawyers.

Gibbs called Tim daily to check on him and give him updates on the investigation. McGee sounded happy to hear from him, but said little other than assuring Jethro that he was fine. For the first time since he'd known McGee as a probie, he had no insight into the man.

After five days and nights, everyone had been interrogated, charged, released, or processed. It was midnight, and he still sat at his desk, a lone lamp illuminating him. Fornell and Ziva had gone home hours ago. Tony stayed, unable to go home unless his boss was okay, but Gibbs didn't appreciate his efforts. He drove him off with sullen and hostile behavior.

Still DiNozzo didn't go far. He sat in the lobby waiting patiently for a gray Porsche to pull up. Tony smiled when Tim came into the lobby. He was definitely looking better. A week ago, it seemed like a stiff breeze would bowl him over, but now he looked almost like the man who'd worked on his team the last eight years.

"I hope it was okay that I called."

"Absolutely, Tony. He sounded exhausted on the phone, but I had no idea he hadn't been home in this long."

"He seems really sad, Tim. Is everything okay between the two of you?"

McGee nodded. "That's what I'm going to try and fix. Go home Tony. You all worked your asses off. Sleep for a few days. I'll take care of the boss."

DiNozzo grinned. "I'm taking direction from my probie now. Don't know if I can live with that."

Tim playfully pushed him toward the door. "Call me in a couple of days and we'll watch some of your crappy films."

Tony turned and pointed a finger. "I'm going to remember you said that."

…..

It had been several weeks since Tim had been at NCIS, but it felt like months. Fighting for his life had happened in slow motion; every minute and hour accentuated with fear and pain. Sometimes, thinking about returning to work had felt so unlikely that it was painful to even contemplate. Now, he could entertain those thoughts again, and it felt both exciting and scary. He had no problem going back to the work, but he was a different man now. He'd survived so much, and while, this latest crisis was over; he still had a good chance of developing cancer. The rest of his life was going to be punctuated with cancer screens every six months. His mortality would always hang around his neck like stone.

He grinned a little at the single desk lamp illuminating Gibbs' desk among the sea of desks. When he walked into the bullpen, Jethro was sleeping, his head resting on folded arms. McGee was tempted to put his arms around him, but Gibbs was not in an environment where he was safe enough to startle.

He knelt in front of him and whispered. "Jethro. Jethro, wake up."

The sharp blue eyes blinked open. When he recognized McGee, he sat up. "What are you doing here?"

"It's time to get you home."

Gibbs shook his head. "I don't need…you don't need…"

McGee ignored him as he gathered up Gibbs' coat. "Come on. My car's illegally parked."

"We need to talk." Gibbs said.

"And we'll do that at home 'cause I know you don't want a tow truck hooking up to my Porsche."

…..

The ride home was silent, and as they walked up the steps, Jethro was surprised to see Junior wagging his tail at the door. Gibbs stopped to rub the dog's ears, and he followed McGee into the kitchen. There was the aroma of delicious home cooked food and Gibbs moaned. "What happened in here?"

McGee smiled. "My mother taught me how to bake bread this week. We baked a loaf of something she calls honey bread in your kitchen. It's more than a little addictive. I also learned my mother's famous bean and ham soup recipe. I remember once eating in a diner with you, when you got excited about old fashioned bean and ham soup."

"What's going on, Tim?" Gibbs felt lost in his own home, but he was too exhausted to muster up more than confusion.

McGee put a bowl of steaming soup in front of him and cracked open a beer. He sliced bread and put a plate of it next to the butter dish. "We'll talk, Jethro. Do me a favor and eat some good, hot food. Okay?"

The smells were too inviting and Gibbs lost himself in the creamy, smoky bean soup. McGee watched him for a few minutes and got up. "Come upstairs when you're done."

Then he disappeared. The neglect of the past week overwhelmed him, and Gibbs didn't get up until he downed two bowls and three slices of the sweet brown bread. Upstairs, there was more new smells. He followed the scent of the seashore to the bathroom and found McGee inside tending to a hot bath. He looked up. "Take off your clothes, Jethro. I ran you a bath."

He frowned. "I don't take baths, especially perfumed ones."

Tim grinned, shaking his head. "You're too tired to win this power struggle, Jethro. The only thing funny in this bath are some salts from the Dead Sea. It's very soothing…and very manly."

"I like showers."

"Get your damn clothes off already."

Maybe he was just too exhausted or maybe there was something in McGee's tone that moved him. In any event, he stripped as ordered and climbed into the hot water. He moaned as the water enveloped his stiff body. The salts made the water soft and it felt good.

Tim pulled off his shirt and grabbed a soft sponge. He submerged the sponge and pulled it up, dripping, and then began sponging Gibbs's chest and arms. Jethro looked up at him. "What's going on, Timmy?"

"I'm taking care of you."

"Why?"

Tim sighed as he submerged the sponge again and began to caress Gibbs' neck. "You worked very hard this week and caught bad guys, and we're all safer because of it. And I love you."

Jethro caught his hand. "I'm not the man you deserve."

Tim shook his head. "We're not going to have that conversation again. You're exactly the man for me."

"We've been butting head like a couple of bulls. It'll become too painful. You're going to leave eventually. This is the way it happens every time."

"I'm not a wife, Jethro." Tim freed his hand and ran the sponge down Gibbs' leg.

"You're changing, Tim. You said so yourself."

Tim nodded. "This experience has forever changed me. I'm tougher, more of a match for you actually. I think that's good for both of us."

Jethro narrowed his eyes in confusion. "You don't want out?"

Tim ran wet fingers through Gibbs' hair. "You're mine, Jethro. I thought it was good enough when you claimed me, but now I realize how important it is that I claim you too."

Gibbs said nothing as McGee's wet thumb traced his mouth. "I went to see the doc today."

Jethro blinked. "You should have told me."

"I did. Left a message on your phone a couple of days ago. I knew how busy you were."

"I'm sorry."

"My tests are clean. I'm good…for now."

Jethro sighed. "Thank God."

Tim leaned forward, massaging Jethro's chest with the sponge. "I get a full cancer screen in six months and then every six months after that. I can never have children. Eventually, there will be tumors of some kind. It's almost inevitable. I don't know if I am a man with one year left to live or fifty. I'm not much of a catch."

Gibbs grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. McGee sighed into it, all remaining tension broken. Finally Gibbs broke away, but held his face close. While I'm a little broken up that you can't bear my children, I think you're a fine catch, Timmy."

McGee laughed and splashed water in his face. Gibbs grabbed him and pulled him into the bathtub on top of him, both men laughing. They wrestled a bit over space, but finally were able to wedge in together facing one another. This time, McGee reached for Gibbs and kissed him deeply. When he broke away, he looked at him closely. "You're sure?"

"We're in this together, my love, and I wouldn't have it any other way."

McGee nuzzled his face into Gibb's wet neck, and trailed his hand down his chest, settling his hand firmly on Gibbs' cock. Gibbs threw back his head and groaned. "Timmy, there's hardly room for this."

McGee nibbled on his ear. "I just want to take care of you. We'll save our grand passion for another night. Of course, maybe this might inspire you to build a hot tub on the deck."

Gibbs held him tight as Timmy brought him quickly to a release. Then Gibbs laid his head against the ceramic tub, panting in short bursts. "We're going to get right on that hot tub idea."

For a while, the two of them lay together in the cooling water, lost in thought. Then Tim lifted his head from Gibbs' chest. "I don't want that award or the ceremony Sec Nav has planned. Can you get me out of that?"

"You deserve that award, Tim."

"I just want to go back to work."

"They'll blame me for this."

Tim began teasing the skin in the crook of Gibbs' neck with his teeth. "That's never bothered you before."

Gibbs shook his head. "You're going to be trouble, Tim McGee. I see that now."

McGee grinned. "I think you like trouble, Jethro Gibbs.

….

McGee looked up when Ziva came in. She had her hair pulled tight in a ponytail high on the back of her head. He loved that hairstyle on her the best. It made her look so young and fresh. She winked at him before dropping her backpack into her chair. "How are you today?"

"Feeling good."

"Good to hear, McGee."

"Let me know if you need help with case files. I'm finishing up the rest of Tony's files. I should have time later on this afternoon."

She smiled. "I'll never understand your ability to do endless paperwork."

He shrugged. "You guys really had to pick up the slack while I was gone."

"Which we were happy to do."

"What were we happy to do?" DiNozzo asked as he sailed by.

"McGee thinks he needs to overcompensate by doing our paperwork because he was gone so long."

"Hmm. Well, it only seems fair."

She snapped a rubber band in his direction. "It does not!"

"Hey! That's enough out of you, you little Israeli vixen."

Tim grinned as his two teammates regarded each other warily. He had no doubt that they were both contemplating counterstrikes.

"Probie, tell her that you don't mind helping with paperwork."

"I'm just happy to be back.

"Hah!" She said. "That is hardly a bringing endorsement."

"Ringing endorsement," McGee said automatically.

"Whatever! We shouldn't take advantage of McGee's goodwill."

"Not on my watch anyway." Gibbs appeared in the bullpen. "Don't worry about Tim helping out with paperwork. He is perfectly capable of setting his own limits."

McGee nodded. "Yup."

"Where were you, Boss? Showing up kind of late today."

"Junior needed his heartworm test."

DiNozzo made a face. "I figure that would be McGee's territory…sort of."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Really? You need a rundown of how things work in the Gibbs-McGee household?"

"Well, if you're offering…"

"I'm not!"

McGee leaned toward Tony. "He's nuts for Junior. Dog lives like a king."

Gibbs looked at him out of the corner of his eye. "Got a problem with that, Special Agent McGee?"

"Nope. I think it's sweet."

Gibbs cleared his throat and buried his face in his email.

DiNozzo made a face. "Gibbs…sweet?"

McGee nodded. "You'd be surprised."

"You want to walk home, McGee?" Gibbs growled from behind his computer screen.

McGee sighed. "Damn, it's good to be back."

"I was just thinking the same thing, Tim." Gibbs murmured softly

McGee nodded and returned to his paperwork.

DiNozzo watched the whole exchange and winked at Ziva. The magic of the Gibbs team was still there. It had shifted a bit. There were new dynamics. McGee had grown a confidence he never had before. He had a hard journey yet to travel, but he no longer seemed overwhelmed by it. Gibbs maintained his edge, but he was softer now and he looked better. His eyes were clear these days and the smell of bourbon no longer oozed out of his skin after nights of hard drinking. DiNozzo marveled over the fact that he'd just caught him blushing over his love for a dog. They'd been a family before this and were a family still, but they were tighter now. To Tony, it seemed as if they understood better how to slow down and cherish the beauty of every day.

…..

The End


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